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on crazy days

Posted by poeticnook on 6/26/2003 09:18:00 AM in
posted at our college yearbook and at peyups


“move to the music of a missing dream, now
slide to the sound of a savage scream, now
the words don’t matter
as long as they scatter
like rain
like rain”

College. One moment you’re waking up at 7:15 so you’ll be just in time for your 7:30 class, dreading the reports, seatworks, exams, homeworks, plays, productions, lab works, programs and what have you that might come pouring down like manna from heaven as you enter the hallowed halls of the campus. The next day you find you’re just a bum. No buzzer beater showers, Good Morning Surprise Quizzes, Hello World 80 pt. Seat works, or 3-hour grueling Debit-Credit b.s. You’re just another graduate; you will be lining up for work the next day or for food rations the week after next. There will be no more wondering if Leibnitz ate lemma for lunch, or if those Greek letters on the formula are actually encoded love letters of Leithold. Life will be boring. You will be working 8 to 5 jobs with 1-hour lunch breaks, while missing those classes you so lovingly scheduled two hours apart so you could still sneak in at the local movie house in between each subject.

Where did all those years go? You start to wonder. How did I let all those years pass by without even so much as a thought? Yes, that time in a bottle song doesn’t sound so melodramatic anymore. What happened to the crazy days -- Marching to malls sporting crazy attires and collecting bewildered looks and catcalls from onlookers? Where have all the band fests, mindworks, yearly lantern parades, cookouts and weeklong campus days gone?

You carry a new cell phone to work, a PDA, a laptop, all the latest gadgets. You strut along the business park counting the days till your next trip abroad, but still you dream of waking up on cold mornings during hell week, the org meetings that stretch up to early evenings, the rallies amid the scorching heat, the long and almost endless lines during enrollment, the grouchy looks of some instructors when they’ve had a bad day, the naked man with his arms outstretched looking up to the sky, that crumbling “new building” with no ventilation, and that circled number on those colorful class cards that almost always gives your parents a heart attack.

“once you forget, it’s over,
just start again
once you forget, it’s over,
take what you can
before it’s gone”

Time moves fast, so fast that even the speed of thought can't capture all the memories you want to keep. You pause for a while. You close your eyes and start thinking of your college years. Those funny turbulent years of experimentations, with undone home works and getting away with it, with not studying for exams and acing them, from collecting ticket booklets of movies to visiting all new food and clothes shops, to attending jam packed, head banging concerts. You remember doing stupid things for what you thought were the right reasons, that one moment of insanity that brought you to the edge of recklessness, the momentary happiness in knowing the rules and breaking them, the misconstrued views you were willing to die for, and those angst filled poems, which used to be fashionable.

You stand in the center of time, ten million lifetimes over and done with and only hinted upon by photographs and souvenirs and words. Every scrap of paper whispered of so much more than you can even begin to remember. Life was there, on that other corner of your mind. And college was more than just a preparation for life. It was life. A big part of life. And its over.


“she runs from the sun of an alien sky
she jumps from the mountain to learn how to fly”

Tonight, my thoughts are collecting; my eyes are wandering over the landscape of the past and thinking of the farewells both real and imagined. Everything in between was something so wonderful that it hurts to write it down. And this was college for me.


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thorns

Posted by poeticnook on 6/24/2003 11:46:00 PM in
part 3 Earth

the earth lay still, quiet and waiting
at the tiny drops of blood that flowed

while the wind revolved, unmindful and listening
the hand clasped the thorns with scars that glowed

heaven opened its eyes and looked on
as the palm held on with its last breath

withered, the petals serenaded the coming dawn
knowing too much love and pain brings death.


part 4 Me

i lay for a while dreaming flowers dreams
of thorns and blood that kiss the ground

but i am indoors and nothing is at it seems
so i let the fleeting memories be drowned

if rhyme and reason would wage a war, i thought
i'll be none the wiser standing in the rain

and if love is suicide, as the sages taught
then i may have lived my life in vain

06.24.2003.2.46.p.m.

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fallen angels

Posted by poeticnook on 6/23/2003 04:46:00 AM in
even angels grow tired,
as they go about their merry ways
picking up your broken pieces
trying to make them whole once more

even angels weep,
sometimes they hide behind the clouds
and let the wonderful gloomy rain
wash away their sadness

even angels lose their wings,
they grow weary of waiting for you
to see beyond yourself past the chains
you invent to hide you from what's true

and yes, even angels have dreams..
they dream of someday finding you
waiting by the door, willing to let them in
free to let them love you..

.
.
.

sometimes, i get tired too...

06.23.2003.7.46.p.m.

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tequila nights

Posted by poeticnook on 6/22/2003 07:58:00 PM in
saturday was a drunken soul splitting moment. it was one of those times when you can close your eyes, and hear your heart beating loudly against you chest, and if you breathe real hard, you can feel the stars...

funny how tequila suddenly becomes a hard to find commodity on nights like this =) we had to go to 3 stores and take 2 cab rides just to get a 500ml cuervo, talk about being in demand =)

guitar music and break up songs filled the house while the shot glasses were kept full, guile asked "mahal ka ba nyang talaga?" while matet said: "deep within i'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you,i know i can't be with you, i do what i have to do"

after much hurling, the show ended, another day was over, four wandering souls looked up to count the artificial stars in my room and fell into the arms of dreamless sleep..

and this is how we make ourselves invincible from pain...

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too bright, too fast, too soon

Posted by poeticnook on 6/18/2003 07:05:00 PM in
one last time, hold me
as we watch this crumbling city
fall and become dust beneath our feet
shall we stay? shall we go away?
shall we be the only ones left
standing in this confusion?

we are an epic struggle
six years in the making
we've gone past the road signs
onto the wide open fields
where rocks crunch beneath our wheels.
and still we are none the wiser
still lost in between these city streets

and i find myself one more time
calling out to you
but you are nowhere beside me

we are dying embers of a forgotten vision
that once lighted the path of our dreams
we shall go on, as all those who prevail do
but this time on separate roads
the future boundless and magical
as we make more hellos and less goodbyes

tonight, i shall look back one last time
and i shall forget
the feel of your hand
entwined with mine.

06.19.2003.10.05.a.m.

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pillow talks

Posted by poeticnook on 6/17/2003 04:51:00 PM in
night shall fall soon
to take you to sleep
bringing you dreams
and whispered promises
cloaked beneath the thin
film of your eyelids

i watch as you lay
so serene, your heart
surrendering to the soft
humming of a light breeze
touching you face
drenched in moonbeams

i love sitting here
beside you as you breathe
for by some lucky chance
you might stretch you arms
and reach for me, and
hold me close to you

tomorrow you'll leave me
all to soon, without even
a last look, a wave goodbye
i shall lie, a forsaken pillow
waiting for night time
to bring you back to me


6.17.2003.7.51.a.m.

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sinking into the soil and growing roots

Posted by poeticnook on 6/16/2003 09:53:00 AM in
i could grow roots too
hang my wings up to dry
and perch my nest on your ground

i could grow roots too
and count the silent petals that fall from
my branches to kiss the soil of your yard

i could grow roots too
say goodbye to the voices of the wind and
the waves beckoning just to follow you

i could grow roots too, you know
i could grow roots with you
i could grow old with you


17.June.2003.12.53.a.m

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three day weekend

Posted by poeticnook on 6/15/2003 09:21:00 PM in
my friends are moving on with their lives,two of them have resigned from this company and found other jobs that fit them better, last thursday was a rather sad day for me, i couldn't help but feel down amidst all the farewells, i wanted to throw caution to the wind, buy the first ticket to somewhere and wander off into anonymity, but the comfort zones kept nagging me and urging me to stay and watch the charade go by, i was silent for the rest of the duration of my ride home and only after i closed the door to my room did i let the tears flow freely.

friday was a rainy day, i love the rain, i love looking up to the sky and letting the tiny drops of rain touch my face, its like the sky opened its arms and gave me a glimpse of heaven.

yesterday, i sat outside the house and watched as rain collected on the rain gutters while drinking mule and contemplating on the complexities of being a caterpillar perched on a leaf while trapped in a thunderstorm. i also twisted all meaning from the phrase "it's better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong ones" until i've drained all desire from it and i was back to being alone on a rainy sunday afternoon.

everything spins around in circles.

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of airports and sunsets

Posted by poeticnook on 6/04/2003 09:33:00 PM in ,
i once asked someone if our friendship, which was generally characterized by leaving and being left behind, would actually survive outside airports. this is the story of my life - staying for a while, moving away again, coming back, moving on, and letting go, letting go...

this sunset picture was taken while on our way home from our 48 day business trip to kanagawa-ken. i've always been fascinated with sunsets, it reminds me that another day is over and it gives me hope that my little tragedies would soon be over too.

today i'm back in the world of bug reports and bastardized english, trying to make sense and finding the hidden meaning in it all. incidentally, today is also the day we get measured up against formulaic standards of excellence also known as the merit rating, as for me, with the tons of bugs i create, i guess i should be given a demerit rating instead =p

*sigh* i'm spilling me all over the place again...

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a sim story

Posted by poeticnook on 6/03/2003 01:27:00 AM in
i'm back!!! but i don't feel like spilling out my one week's worth of adventures and misadventures just yet =) maybe next time when the feeling has somehow washed itself out. today i feel euphoric, counting the minutes till 5pm and "jumping off a crane 12 stories high" are the only two things that give me this sensation these days,. =)

last night i had my prepaid sim upgraded to "high memory". this ad at the mall promised my new sim an enhanced phone book and a bigger inbox for only 100 pesos. so i lined up like 10 other suckers, err i mean customers, and filled up the application form. after shelling out my hundred bucks and grabbing my new sim, my friends and i grabbed dinner at the entertainment center. when i finally reached home, i inserted the new sim on my phone only to be greeted with a SIM ERROR message, poof! there goes me and not reading banners carefully. apparently, the sim will work after 5 days of activation =/

oh well, that's the high point of life here so far since i arrived yesterday. my one week vacation seems like a whole other life lived from another galaxy. it's 5:18, time to escape my cellblock =p

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