2

when worlds collide

Posted by poeticnook on 11/16/2015 04:22:00 AM
Sometimes when you love someone, you want to give them the moon. Even though they probably wanted something totally different, like perhaps a flower, or a butterfly or maybe the sun.

Love blinds you, it makes you think that what's good for you is good for the other person too, you fail to notice or refuse to accept that you actually value different things.

I've made this mistake a couple of times before. I've imposed my will on others because I thought that was what's good for them. I was too caught up in my own reveries that I ignored what was in front of me, the telltale signs I didn't see.

This is as vague as it gets, but this one's for you. I'm sorry if I always beg for your time, if I always ask you to hang out with me, if I keep you away from what you're supposed to be doing, if I don't understand what's important to you. I guess i just want to take enough of your memories with me to keep me company for all the days I will be spending without you, I know I'm being selfish.

I wish I knew how to deal with you better, but life didn't give me a manual when you came into my world. I just guessed my way through it and sometimes it worked, but most of the times it didn't.

I wish I could take away your pain, I wish I didn't cause you any in the first place, but I was totally unprepared for you. If I could turn back time, I would do things differently, but time only moves forward, so I have to live with the consequences of my actions or inaction and I just have to make up for it.

I wish you didn't have to build your walls, I wish we could talk like old friends who didn't have any baggages, but as it is is, we have to figure this out and go through this together. I know you may want to go on your own way and leave me stranded, but I want you to remember this, even if this is the only thing you will remember from me:

I care for you deeply, although my words don't always say it, and my actions don't often reflect it, but I. Do. Care. For you. Deeply. I could lay down my life for you, you don't even have to ask it.

So please be good while I'm gone, stay focused and keep chasing your dreams. Don't let the world distract you from what's real. Don't stumble, but if you do, please rise up and wash the mud from your feet. Keep fighting the good fight. Don't give up. I'm always cheering for you, no matter how far away from you I become.

I will always be proud of you.

And you probably already know this, but somehow writing it down makes it more real, I love you.


2015.11.15.8.13.p.m.

0

lost and found

Posted by poeticnook on 11/07/2015 01:13:00 AM
This weekend is about finding things. But before I could find them, I had to lose them first.

Last night after I did my last minute hotel bookings, I couldn't find my credit card. I remember placing it on the couch but then somehow between that and dinner, it disappeared. I have never really lost any material thing of value, but lately I've been misplacing items, forgetting stuff, losing track of time. So now I have a pile of tasks I need to do and none of them are getting done. I guess all these baggages weighing on me have taken a toll on my mind.

So back to the card, I searched high and low and finally stuck my hand in the sides of the couch then lo and behold - my brother's missing brass retrakt from 8 months ago was there. It was all grimy and icky but still functional. So I took some lemon juice and baking soda (courtesy of wiki how and brilliant Mike) and proceeded to clean it. It didn't come out shiny and there were still a few battle scars left but that would have to do for now. After all I was looking for a lost MasterCard not a brass ballpoint haha

After a few more negotiations with the couch, I finally found the missing card, it slipped into one of those hidden corners. Life is full of surprises, sometimes while we are in search of something we've lost, we come across something totally different that someone else has been looking for. I'm glad I was able to help my brother find his pen although I think he has already accepted it as gone. He doesn't even want it anymore :)

Today I wanted to go up to the mountains before sunset so I can see the sky turn to pink. But because of my current state of mind, I somehow misplaced the car keys. I distinctly recall putting it inside my bag so I was at a loss when it wasn't there. If it was a phone I could have called it, but the problem with keys is they don't ring :) After going up and down the house and burning 1000 calories, I found it on mom's couch in her room. Now how did the keys walk there? Probably when I was changing clothes, or there's an elf in the house, or I'm losing my mind haha any which way I'm glad I found it, although not where I expected it to be.

Maybe that's how I should walk through life, open to finding things in the most unexpected places. And open to finding something totally different from what I was initially looking for.

I guess the lesson here is this, nothing is ever lost, nothing that can't be found. If it can't be found, then it's not lost, it's purposely hiding from you haha

Or just keep digging through couches, you don't know what you'll discover. :)


2015.11.7.5.08.p.m.

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