saturday was a drunken soul splitting moment. it was one of those times when you can close your eyes, and hear your heart beating loudly against you chest, and if you breathe real hard, you can feel the stars...

funny how tequila suddenly becomes a hard to find commodity on nights like this =) we had to go to 3 stores and take 2 cab rides just to get a 500ml cuervo, talk about being in demand =)

guitar music and break up songs filled the house while the shot glasses were kept full, guile asked "mahal ka ba nyang talaga?" while matet said: "deep within i'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you,i know i can't be with you, i do what i have to do"

after much hurling, the show ended, another day was over, four wandering souls looked up to count the artificial stars in my room and fell into the arms of dreamless sleep..

and this is how we make ourselves invincible from pain...

one last time, hold me
as we watch this crumbling city
fall and become dust beneath our feet
shall we stay? shall we go away?
shall we be the only ones left
standing in this confusion?

we are an epic struggle
six years in the making
we've gone past the road signs
onto the wide open fields
where rocks crunch beneath our wheels.
and still we are none the wiser
still lost in between these city streets

and i find myself one more time
calling out to you
but you are nowhere beside me

we are dying embers of a forgotten vision
that once lighted the path of our dreams
we shall go on, as all those who prevail do
but this time on separate roads
the future boundless and magical
as we make more hellos and less goodbyes

tonight, i shall look back one last time
and i shall forget
the feel of your hand
entwined with mine.

06.19.2003.10.05.a.m.

night shall fall soon
to take you to sleep
bringing you dreams
and whispered promises
cloaked beneath the thin
film of your eyelids

i watch as you lay
so serene, your heart
surrendering to the soft
humming of a light breeze
touching you face
drenched in moonbeams

i love sitting here
beside you as you breathe
for by some lucky chance
you might stretch you arms
and reach for me, and
hold me close to you

tomorrow you'll leave me
all to soon, without even
a last look, a wave goodbye
i shall lie, a forsaken pillow
waiting for night time
to bring you back to me


6.17.2003.7.51.a.m.

i could grow roots too
hang my wings up to dry
and perch my nest on your ground

i could grow roots too
and count the silent petals that fall from
my branches to kiss the soil of your yard

i could grow roots too
say goodbye to the voices of the wind and
the waves beckoning just to follow you

i could grow roots too, you know
i could grow roots with you
i could grow old with you


17.June.2003.12.53.a.m

my friends are moving on with their lives,two of them have resigned from this company and found other jobs that fit them better, last thursday was a rather sad day for me, i couldn't help but feel down amidst all the farewells, i wanted to throw caution to the wind, buy the first ticket to somewhere and wander off into anonymity, but the comfort zones kept nagging me and urging me to stay and watch the charade go by, i was silent for the rest of the duration of my ride home and only after i closed the door to my room did i let the tears flow freely.

friday was a rainy day, i love the rain, i love looking up to the sky and letting the tiny drops of rain touch my face, its like the sky opened its arms and gave me a glimpse of heaven.

yesterday, i sat outside the house and watched as rain collected on the rain gutters while drinking mule and contemplating on the complexities of being a caterpillar perched on a leaf while trapped in a thunderstorm. i also twisted all meaning from the phrase "it's better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong ones" until i've drained all desire from it and i was back to being alone on a rainy sunday afternoon.

everything spins around in circles.

i once asked someone if our friendship, which was generally characterized by leaving and being left behind, would actually survive outside airports. this is the story of my life - staying for a while, moving away again, coming back, moving on, and letting go, letting go...

this sunset picture was taken while on our way home from our 48 day business trip to kanagawa-ken. i've always been fascinated with sunsets, it reminds me that another day is over and it gives me hope that my little tragedies would soon be over too.

today i'm back in the world of bug reports and bastardized english, trying to make sense and finding the hidden meaning in it all. incidentally, today is also the day we get measured up against formulaic standards of excellence also known as the merit rating, as for me, with the tons of bugs i create, i guess i should be given a demerit rating instead =p

*sigh* i'm spilling me all over the place again...

i'm back!!! but i don't feel like spilling out my one week's worth of adventures and misadventures just yet =) maybe next time when the feeling has somehow washed itself out. today i feel euphoric, counting the minutes till 5pm and "jumping off a crane 12 stories high" are the only two things that give me this sensation these days,. =)

last night i had my prepaid sim upgraded to "high memory". this ad at the mall promised my new sim an enhanced phone book and a bigger inbox for only 100 pesos. so i lined up like 10 other suckers, err i mean customers, and filled up the application form. after shelling out my hundred bucks and grabbing my new sim, my friends and i grabbed dinner at the entertainment center. when i finally reached home, i inserted the new sim on my phone only to be greeted with a SIM ERROR message, poof! there goes me and not reading banners carefully. apparently, the sim will work after 5 days of activation =/

oh well, that's the high point of life here so far since i arrived yesterday. my one week vacation seems like a whole other life lived from another galaxy. it's 5:18, time to escape my cellblock =p