my mom wants me to go to cebu this month, but ive just been there last month. i'm beginning to really resent the place. especially since my last visit there was quite *awful*. if i decide to go, this will be my 12th plane ride this year, i should be a stock holder of pal. :p

hmmm, that reminds me of my pal miles, i'll see if i can redeem and turn them into round trip tickets for oct. 29 to nov 2.

bye, going to the ticket office now...

"Who'd have thought this is how the pieces fit
You and I shouldn't even try making sense of it
I forgot how we ever came this far
I believe we had reasons but I don't know what they are
Don't blame it on my heart, oh"
- julia fordham, love moves in mysterious ways

there are just some songs that you really hate listening to. they bring you back to an alternate universe where everything else is different except you, they make you believe in childish things like a pot of gold at the end of rainbows or love and forever and ever after and all that b.s. actually these songs just make you feel more bitter and resentful if you're still not over your most recent heartache or else a little more suicidal if you still haven't coped with the being alone part.

lately my gmail inbox have been overflowing with stories of zet and ria's rollercoaster ride with dr. love. and these tales almost always ends up with the heartaches and goodbyes and disappointments. is there really a way to escape this fateful trap?

i dont have answers to that, but maybe turning off the cheesy love songs and switching to something else would be one giant leap for womankind =p

there was an intensity 6 earthquake last friday night but i didnt feel it because i was at gb3 and there were too many lights and noise and people. i only learned about it when we were walking back to our condo and we saw people drinking and smoking on the sidewalks. i thought that was the trend in this part of town but when we went to the 24 hour convenience store and interviewed the shop attendant, we found out that the earthquake was really strong and they thought the building was going to collapse.

i was really planning to stay sober that night but after hearing the story, i bought some liquor at the store and joined my neighbors sitting on the sidewalk waiting for their heartbeats to calm down. i met kate and some of her friends who are renting a place at the penthouse level. kate was a college classmate and she is now into designing clothes and has a boutique here.

when finally the guards told us that it was safe to ride the elevator, we went up and had tequila shots. life is more potent when you live 22 stories higher.

moved to a new place last friday, yey! we have a good view of the city from our window, and we have a nice swimming pool, gym, jacuzzi, and sauna at the roof top =)

will be posting pictures soon, in the meantime we're busy buying things and cleaning our new place..

watched annie y los otros at the spanish film festival yesterday, its a bit of a cliffhanger. i hope i can watch other movies from the film fest, after all they're so cheap at 30php per ticket =)

ciao!

my friend zet is having problems with her love life right now (who isnt?) she is anticipating the hurt of the separation.. and because of that, she is hurting.

sometimes, the biggest, brightest moments in our lives never last for more than a minute, and it takes courage to look forward to that minute and enjoy every second of it than to wallow in the agony and the unfairness of the fact that it is something ephemeral. something we cannot take home and put name tags on and call our own.

i've been in the situation more than once, and it takes practice to overlook the dark spots and concentrate on the white cloth, especially when we are trained to look for the flaw in the bigger scheme of things. it took me a lot of hurting, a lot of mistakes, and a lot of heartbreaks to realize that im doing it wrong. instead of fighting the darkness from falling, we should appreciate every ray of light the sun holds for us.

it takes courage to look at the bright side of things. it takes a lot of effort to be happy.

it was by chance when we met on this road
it was pure luck that has brought us here
and now as the sun rests its final glow
we find ourselves dreaming

the moonbeams have a way of deceiving
with the light that it casts upon our heads
it makes us think we could go on believing
though we know we both must leave

you speak of the one whom your soul has loved
while i listen to your every word
i look at the stars that shine above us
and note how they seem to smile

shadows lengthen as the night becomes deep
once again it's time to bid farewell
echoes of your voice stay still in the air
piercing the dark night in vain

i choose not to hear the words you've just said
for my heart could not bear to forget
how could you stand and leave without thinking
when i'm here in deep regret

tomorrow you'll take the path you've chosen
as i decide if i should go too
i know i'm a fool if i choose to leave
but what's the use if i stay

the light has gone out, i too must go now
so take my hand and lead me back home
and if fate is not that unkind
i may be gone tomorrow..

if you choose to come to this same spot
and find me no longer sitting here,
just look as the sun rests its final glow
and think of me as you dream....

march, 1998

once again i sit here lost in thought
though i choose to forget
my mind insists on remembering

i have given up a long time ago
knowing how great the odds were against me
yet still it comes back
like a nightmare it hunts,

it stalks,

it frightens me
as clear as a photograph taken in midday
as crisp as the leaves of summer
it brings back a lot of memories

of days gone by, of love once had
it's not easy to forget when the wind whipers your name
how could i erase your image from my mind,
when every sight and sound reminds me of you?

it is not right that i should feel this way
it is not right that i should want you
you were the one who chose to be free
you were the one who chose to leave
and i know i must learn to let you go

yet why do i still long for you?
why does my heart tirelessly beat
in the hope that i might see you again

i am a fool to feel this way
still i sit here lost in thought

in despair i call your name
it seems rather absurd for me to be shouting
when you're too far away....
to hear...

to feel...

to know...
that i love you

so i just close my eyes and pray
that someday you'll come

and

break my solitude

ndg.04.10.1998