I woke up and saw people wearing white hovering around me. If this was heaven, they must have made a mistake :) I blinked once, twice, trying to adjust to the lights, everything was blurry, my mind, my vision, the voices behind me felt like they were from somewhere far away. 

They asked for my name, the date, my phone number, my parents, and all I could see were dark red stains while I felt my head throbbing like crazy.

I could put all the pieces of that day except for that moment right before I lost consciousness. It's like a missing part of my life that I have no recollection of, just a big black hole in between living and dying.

In the afternoon, I was trying to finish some work but our seniors decided they should treat us out for dinner and drinks as part of our welcome party since we just joined the team. I was feeling a little faint because I was anemic and it was that time of the month but I didn't want to be the odd person out so I joined them.

The night was a blur of music and old friends called Cuervo, Stolichnaya, Southern Comfort and a few other exotic mixes. As usual, the effect is like caffeine for me, it makes my senses more acute, my memory sharper, everything is clearer and abstract things make sense. So when they dropped me off at my boarding house at around 11pm, I couldn't sleep, algorithms were dancing in my head and I all I wanted to do was go to a computer shop and type everything down.

And that's what I did, I worked till around 1 am then I was craving for some food so I walked to a nearby burger joint to order some sliders. I took out my money to pay, then there were stars, and everything was black.

From what the nurses told me, some hospital interns went out for midnight snacks and as they were walking back to the emergency room, they saw me passed out, lying on a ditch, my head bleeding. They took me to the ER and tried to revive me, almost flatlined but I came back.

After a series of tests, stitches and MRI, they finally released me on a wheelchair.

And that kids is why you shouldn't go out walking alone late at night :)

i walk past unpainted houses
back to where we used to sit
the tree blooms as stately as before
the grass, though, thinner, than
the last time we sat on it

newspapers strewn all over my room
im painting sunsets on midnights
as lonesome as this

and why, i asked myself why
do i write about those sunsets that i never see..
then i ask myself, oh, how
we have come so far, so far
from all that we could ever be

picking up shadows and colors
im capturing fragments of moments
but the moonlight mocks me

retracing my steps, i try to see
past the moonlight, the sunset,
the shadows, the madness
but im blind and im mad, and i feel
that im broken, broken, broken

dreaming of sunsets that i never see.

first light awaking
promising a new dawn,
a new beginning
while some stars shed off
their bright gazes,,,
the moon yawns in deep resign..
the skies tremble with my
heart's longing
dusk has come and gone ...
the sun is dawning
thorns wither with the new light
now i know why i live
i live to cry,
i live to die
i live to love...
and cry again...

good night, sweet dreams
and sleep tight
may tomorrow be just as good
as tonight,

to bring us closer..

before you go,
i'd like to know
does your heart still
long for me..
or has your love grown cold?

if you should wake,
and then find out
that what you
once felt is gone,

don't worry, i'll still care
and hold you close to me..

but for now,
good night, sweet dreams
and sleep tight..
i pray time will bring us closer

bring you closer to me...

good night.

and this is the first poem i made for school

outside the wind seems to whisper
a prayer to the skies
that one day i'll come back
before the candle dies
i feel the unseen power
that drives me to my knees
whenever i remember
that my time is near
now curtains are being drawn,
and all the bird have flown
left alone is my bare soul
awaiting to depart

1996.03.01

i went away with night
alone
to be lost among the stars
and the waves of the sea

i went away to forget and
be at peace with myself . .

but you my friend , roused
me from my dream
you made me remember that
life wasn't kind

that i cannot forget
forever . .

i chose this path believing
i would lose the pain,

but then again perhaps,
i went away with pain alone

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream"
- Edgar Allan Poe

twas solitude i found
in this quiet refuge,
where no woes exist
and pain subsides
and the only sounds that rule
are of birds in flight
and of fallen leaves
crumbling beneath my feet.
here shall i rest
my troubled soul,
and calm my wandering,
confused mind
here in this garden,
this haven of peace...
as the soft wind hugs me,
and lulls me to sleep.