as i wrap up my 5 days of sun in the city of angels, i feel a sense of loss. the crows sing in the background and suddenly i miss everything and nothing all at once. top priority on my list right now is to rebook my flight back home so i could leave bc earlier.

for the past 12 months, i've been on 27 plane rides, 2 boat rides, and countless road trips. it doesnt really look like i'm running away from safety eh? for next year, i plan to stay grounded, just spin in place and grow roots. it may be frightening at first but i know it's time to hang my wings out to dry and pursue the things i've avoided for so long - settling down.

a long december and there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last
i can't remember the last thing you said as you were leavin'
now the days go by so fast

and it's one more day up in the canyons
and it's one more night in hollywood
if you think that i could be forgiven... i wish you would

the smell of hospitals in winter
and the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
all at once you look across a crowded room
to see the way that light attaches to a girl

and it's one more day up in the canyons
and it's one more night in hollywood

if you think you might come to california... i think you should

drove up to the hillside manor sometime after two a.m.
and talked a little while about the year
i guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

and it's been a long december and there's no reason to believe
maybe this year will be better that the last
i can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
to hold on to these moments as they pass

and it's one more day up in the canyon
and it's one more night in hollywood
it's been so long since i've seen the ocean... i guess i should

- counting crows, "a long december"

believe it or not, this is my first "real" christmas celebration - the tree, the lights, the gifts, the holiday songs playing in the background, the dinner with every member of the family present - they're all so new and foreign, but apparently for some it's an age old tradition; something they take for granted. if they only knew how it is to not have a complete family, i'm sure they'll learn to appreciate each other more and cherish each other's presence and role in their lives.

on a lighter note, look what santa got for me =)

still not done with the gift shopping and wrapping, nor with the tracing of scripts. so i got crazy and got a dell 196fp as a gift for myself. this will help me see all the defects in full color. more importantly, a dual monitor setup allows me to see all the sub groups i made on my ym. haha. what an excuse to buy something. just like what mavic said, you can never get enough of what you don't really need.

woke up to a snowy morning today. the streets look so picture perfect - straight from a postcard with a "white christmas" caption. had a snowball fight with my cousins then we drove to oakridge to get more things to wrap and put under the dressed up pine tree. hmmm, wish my wireless mighty mouse and keyboard is hiding somewhere under the pile. i'm slowly building my home office setup, tomorrow i'm getting an hp f2140. next time i get snowed in, my room will be loaded with all the things i need to be functional.

watching iron chef right now, secret ingredient is oyster, yum! i miss that.

tis that season again, that time of the year when you start looking at the past n years of your life and reflect on why you are where you are and wonder if next year will be the same.

"There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever."- Ally McBeal-

after an attack of sporadic geekiness (is there such a word?) i took this test and here's my result:

Which OS are You?

there are holiday parties and send off dinner invites left and right, the calories are piling up and my dollars are depleting. this is why i hide in my room at this time of the year. well if only i could, it's shopping season, time to promote consumerism and commercialism to make the economies of the world turn, that being said, i'm late on my gift buying.

went to ikea last saturday with paolo, my visit to their showroom inspired me to redecorate my room. ordered a loft bed online. will be rearranging some stuff to make more space for a work desk. hopefully, it will look like this in the end.

found a nice gift for saturday at costco last night. now if only i can move my lazy self and find the energy to wrap it. will probably opt for a gift bag instead coz i really don't want to waste my time putting something together that will just be carelessly torn apart in a few minutes.

funny when you stay away from one far place, something unexpected comes up and takes you to something farther. was supposed to have dinner tonight with workmates but i wasn't up to it. twas raining and we'll be taking the skytrain. so i went home and hanged out with my cousin and her friend.

on a whim, quel suggested we go to vandusen and see the festival of lights. gi borrowed her mom's car and we drove there. it was a serene sight - watching colored drops of red, green and yellow dance around the trees in tune with nostalgic holiday music. almost makes you feel more alone but not when you're with crazy people.

life is never boring when you're crazy.