it's the most wonderful time of the year

learned a lot of life lessons this year. this could be one of the most interesting year in my career as a human being. it's bad to care a lot and be taken for granted, it's terrible to work too much and feel so little. but it's worst to see the wheel grinding slowly towards you and still be stuck in the middle of everything, unable to step away and be saved.

i pray every day for God to give me strength and hope and patience to not be disappointed by the realities of life. yet i still lack this wisdom to know the difference between things i should have the serenity to accept and those i should have the courage to change. still a work in progress, but i am just so tired and disillusioned by everything else around me.

the holidays are around the corner, but it doesn't really feel like it when i look at my outlook calendar. i want to get out of this place and be somewhere sunny with good people who say what they mean and mean what they say. once you see through the matrix of lies and manipulation, it's hard to stay the same carefree person i was before i got tangled up in this mess.

these days i just close my eyes and wish myself away on a plane landing at my city, and being surrounded by people who truly care, or better yet i just want to never open my eyes again to this world of deceit and corruption, i pray every night that my journey in this life ends soon, i have seen enough.

Smile
by Chris Rice

How far are you, how close am I
I know your words are true and I don't feel them inside
Still I believe you'll never leave
So where are you now

You're all I have, You're all I know
Your breath is breathing in my soul
Still I am gasping, aching, asking
Where are you now

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

My journey's here, but my heart is There
So I dream and wait, and keep the faith, while You prepare
Our destiny, til You come back for me
Oh, please make it soon!

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feel like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feel like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile