poeticnook

I've been away for a while collecting experiences like beach-stones, a weekend at Dalaguet, walking on the beach with friends, sleeping on a bamboo bed with the nipa ceiling almost falling to pieces and the stairs wobbly with every step, my cell phone useless with no network coverage, the waves on the background rushing to meet the shore, and my foot stuck on the sand as I watched the horizon slowly light up with the sun's rays. This is the entry I was supposed to write two weeks ago, back when my mind was not cluttered with exams I have to review for and programs I need to do.

Last night, the moon was so bright that it shone right through me. There was so much life and so many colors that I couldn't see. Sometimes I wish I could just lie down on the roof and watch the sky expand and be filled with stars, my troubles and worries all cast aside. I miss the old house with the terrace, I miss standing there and looking out for falling stars, tying my shirt in a knot and wishing, with all the might my naive heart could muster, that the moment would not pass me by. But time can play tricks the way a jester on a circus might.. and here I am left with the memories of all the moments that has passed me by. I hold them tightly, but like sand they slip through my fingers, and all I can do is watch and smile that somehow I had a chance to hold them close to me.

I am broken. And my words stop in mid sentence. My fingers half pressing and half releasing a key, unsure of what to say, what to write, what to think. There is a space between me and my thoughts, my feelings, my words. I have to extend my hand to grasp them fully.. but when I do reach out, I find them no longer there, playing a trick on me, making me pause, making me wonder.. how I could be this lost.