i left while you were sleeping
i couldnt bear to see you sad
i kissed your cheek, one last time
and wiped the mist from my eyes

i bid you goodbye so silently
so as not to wake you up
and as the moonbeams lighted my path
i closed the door and never turned back

i walked gently between the drops of rain
the curtains never saw me weep
there was no last look, last touch, last word..
this is how, my dear, i leave.

03.30.2004.12.12.p.m.

another drunken soul splitting moment
in the heart of heartless libis and makati
fascinated by the lights of rockwell
and the architecture of eastwood city
we sit and wait for the evening's plan
to materialize like some epiphany.

eleventeen shots pouring at 3am
BLISS was quiet except for six souls
trying to stop the dawn from coming

tequila, sprite and gin pom flooded
as st. madz endlessly repeated:
"there's the cr and that's the sink"
amidst zet's complaints and hollow smoke rings
john and darrix alternated with the electric guitar
arjay counted snores in the background
while i stayed and refilled the glasses

its moments like these that take the gray
out of mindless meanings or create more fogs
on what's already obscure. i sat and listened
detached from the blind who wanted to see,
and the undeaf who refused to hear..

riding a cab back to the hotel at 6am
calling in sick, and just lying in bed,
staring at the ceiling, with my head pounding..
everything was moving, and everything was still...

last night, i was a spectator,
a faceless being in the crowd
who mostly listened, and never talked much

how lucky i am,
that i was never more than that

03.08.2004.06.55.p.m.

i used to sit and wait for the night
to fill the sky with stars
as i ask the lingering shadows
where the world has gone

i used to wonder if i could count
the thousand shades of sunset
and store them one by one in a bottle
that i could open on cold dark midnights

i used to think about other people
who stare silently at the moon
weaving dreams of forever
and tales of love lost and found again
or myths of love lost and gone for always

i used to believe in things i cannot touch
in things i could only feel
through words stuck inside my chest
i used to believe..

.
.
.

last night i stood and watched
as makati's towers light up
against the dying sun

last night
pieces of my old self died.

03.03.2004.12.38.p.m.