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retracing my steps

Posted by poeticnook on 4/30/2004 09:44:00 PM in ,
i'm off to baguio at 2am tomorrow, its my second time to go there, the first time was 3 years ago i think, i hope i can write something about the experience when i come back on sunday. happy weekend everyone =)

here's a rehash from beyond forever:



tops: a journey revisited

The first time I went to tops was back in 1996 with family and friends. We were first timers in Cebu, so we did the obligatory tour around the best spots of the city. And tops was one of them, so they say. I hated the place then, it was raining, there were no stars, the wind was freezing and worse, I didn't bring a jacket. It was just like Tagaytay without the volcano, the hanging bridge, cottages, the lake, the boat ride... The next day I woke up with a flu, and a fever so high I could make water boil with my head, hmm, well not really, but it felt like that anyway. I thought to myself, next time I wont let myself be dragged from my bed without my trusty jacket, especially when mountain tops are in the destination list.

The next time was with a friend. Apparently my friend hasn't been there yet, so i felt that it was my duty to pay one of Cebu's tourist spots a visit in honor of my friend. Some sort of a tribute before my friend left for somewhere, with a hint of not coming back. We went there out of a whim actually. After watching the last full show of good will hunting at Ayala, and going home to my room with a final exam in logic and set theory at the back of my head, I decided to go out and find a taxi that would take us to tops. there was nothing new with the place, two years after I first visited it, the entrance fee was higher though, I noticed. It was almost the end of the semester, with a promise of a two month much awaited and well deserved summer vacation for battered college students like us.., and yet there was a sense of foreboding goodbyes and unremarked leave-takings. Somehow everything in my head has come together to show me some of the spirit of that strange and enchanting place. perhaps it is not only the place which makes a moment worthwhile, but also the people, events and feelings wrapped around with it. We went home at around 2a.m. It was foolish of me to bring my notebook there, thinking I would be able to study in the cold and dark. The next day I hurried to finish my exam, my friend would be leaving by boat that afternoon, and I left my damn diskette at home, very convenient for me, especially since that day was supposed to be the deadline of our last programming assignment. "sky rockets in flight" was still playing in my mind, a fragment of the song "afternoon delight", as I was boarding the jeepney back to school. I did not dare look back to my friend's shadow walking away from me. I hate goodbyes.

The last time I went there was two years and two months ago today. I was with that same friend, but the wind was blowing differently then. A pause between our words could mean a heart beat or a heart break. It was like a dance with the devil, a wrong step and he wins your soul. I'll never forget that last time, again it was unexpected. I got a text message out of the blue, we were to meet at my friend's house then go wherever the soles of our feet would take us. 15 minutes at the net cafe, a light snack at dunkin with the pineapple filled donut out of stock, and me ending up with a pineorange juice instead. We practiced aimless wandering for some time, saying things at the top of our minds, things without meanings, things that could easily slip out like "when were you ever fair?". and me clutching my heart afraid i'd miss a step and end the dance too soon.

It's funny how I recall things long past and take each fragment of memory as if they were from yesterday, the wounds still fresh, the scents still lingering.. I guess that's my punishment for having a long term memory.

What can I say about tops that last time? I don't know, nothing much really, I remember paying for the entrance fee with my hundred peso bill and forgetting the change, I remember looking earnestly at the cliff, bare without trees, at my cell phone wondering foolishly to myself why it has a signal, and my friend laughing at my stupidity pointing out that we are near a communications tower. There were no stars that night, or maybe the light from the tower was just too bright, I didn't see the moon either. I only heard random voices whispering in dark. I didn't catch if they were lies or promises, neither did i care.

In the universe I am merely a dot. a singular light that may fade out any minute, nothing I could have done would have made a difference. but there I was struggling to freeze frame the moment, to stop the morning light from coming, and to keep our minds inebriated by shadows of the past. our worlds spun too fast that i almost lost my bearings.

The walk home was the longest I ever took. Literally and metaphorically. There were no taxis waiting at the top of the mountain and so we had to go down on foot. we went home at 6am and slept till well past noon. The next day, in a state of dazed, suspended euphoria, I couldn't bring my legs to stand up.

Time has a way of stealing moments from our lives. in spasms of sentiment I wonder what it would be like to remain behind, be swallowed by the memories, be buried in the past. Of course, I can't; I'm moving on, wherever that may be next.

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unexplained sadness

Posted by poeticnook on 4/29/2004 10:56:00 AM in
i dont know why this song makes me sad.. i first heard it in the movie "50 first dates", which is too good to be true really, maybe that's why instead of giving me hope, it just made me more bitter =/

today im late as usual, i just cant seem to pull myself out of bed by 630am when i've only just closed my eyes. Im lucky when i get five hours of sleep these days


"Wouldn't It Be Nice"
>Beach Boys

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married
And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice

Good night my baby
Sleep tight my baby

listen to the song here

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sleepless in makati

Posted by poeticnook on 4/28/2004 09:53:00 AM in
it was 3am again on my mobile phone clock when i finally drifted off to sleep this morning, its been like that for weeks now. im probably having a hard time adjusting my body clock back to normal, or maybe im just a night person. my friend julette said that "a good cop cant sleep because he is thinking about the missing piece while a bad cop cant sleep because his conscience is bothering him", good thing im not a cop =p

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three days to saturday

Posted by poeticnook on 4/13/2004 09:34:00 PM
it seems like i've relocated my hell in the business district of makati, the hell of long work hours, no holidays, over time, over night, lates, undertimes, it's corporate structure and tightrope once again, maybe you really cant escape things by moving away, or maybe some people are just meant to do the dirty job, anyway, i plan to retire from this career by december, and hopefully next year, i'll be lining up for food rations at the local garbage dump.

they say that if you dont know where you're headed, then it doesnt matter which road you take. so this may be the main reason why im just drifting, and the current seems to be taking me to nowhere.

its three days to saturday, sometimes simple pleasures like this is what gets me through the day. it gives me hope. what does saturday hold? i dont know, maybe a whole day lying in bed while the aircon hum competes with the cats on the roof, and my dvds or cable switched on 24/7, or maybe a stroll in the local malls, getting lost in the colors and watching another movie, or perhaps a long drive out of town to a place where the temperature is 10 degrees lower.

the sky is limitless, with endless possibilities, and so is this day, three days to saturday,

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to the man who talks to trees

Posted by poeticnook on 4/11/2004 07:51:00 AM in
someday you'll run out of things to say
and you'll sit by my side
and watch me watch the sunset in silence
someday you'll finally find time to listen
without the need to pass judgements
and debate about world views and highest truths
and other things that matter only to people
who have so much time to think
someday i will pass by your world
and color your sky with bright red
but you will never notice
you will be blind and deaf and unfeeling
you will be lost in books and words and meanings
someday the wind will hold your feet
but you will keep on walking
because you've spent too many years
sitting, reading, listening
someday you will feel the rain
brush against your cheek like a tired friend
and you will walk each other home
and once again you shall find yourself
Alone.

04.11.2004.10.51.p.m.

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