for the past 16 months, i've been around airports more than 40 times, that's almost once every 10 days on the average. airports are where emotions are so real. you see people launghing, teary eyed, hugging each other, kissing, whispering nothings, mumbling promises, holding on for dear life.

on one side there are those patiently waiting, holding flowers, looking up expectantly at each passenger walking out, wishing the next one would be the one they've been dying to see - and finally when they do come out, their faces would break out into smiles, all sorrow forgotten, as if no time or distance was ever lost between them.

airports are places where people come and go and never really stay. exactly how i feel about my life right now, just like how i felt 2 years ago in Makati, when my friends just took their leave and went on to lead different lives. i feel that i'm this relic, this institution where people just go to learn something from, and then when they're done with filling their jars with knowledge, they just leave and go on their ways.

i've been to dozens of airports for the past few months, rushing from one city to the next, met new people and left them without cutting a piece of my soul. it feels better to be the one coming and going into other people's lives for once, to not be the one left stuck in the same old hole, waiting for something new to happen, only to realize later that the "something new" will not really be there constantly, or else it would turn into "something old".

last week i was at the airport, trying to turn the old into new, giving this thing another chance. every inch of my body wants to just fly away and be done with it but i want to try something different, something out of character. i want to challenge myself, see how the cookie crumbles.

just be nice, it's not that hard.

today i resolve to be someone better. i've been spreading myself too thin in so many aspects of my life right now that i end up way below mediocre. this isn't even anywhere near who i ever was in my past lives. it's time to start being more squiggly.

last friday we had this workshop where we were made to choose which shape we liked best among the following:
it was obvious, i picked that one that looked like a strand of hair, because it was interesting and out of the ordinary. this may very well generalize the characteristics of all my other choices, or my affinity to unusually weird things. hmmm what does that say about me? the paper described me as spontaneous and fearful of boredom. how very apt. but it also meant that i'm disorganized, easily distracted, and frequently careless about deadlines. not ideal characteristics of a good employee.

but of course, every realization of a flaw brings with it the power to make the most out of the situation or turn it around into something constructive. and that's what i'm doing right now. i'm being creative. i can't make something work, so there's no use cracking my head open and picking out my brains, i would much rather go and do something else which has more probability of success. it's always tough to see the silver lining at times, but all it really takes is planting my own garden rather than waiting for someone to come and give me flowers.

i had a point to make when i started writing this crap, but somewhere along the way i lost it, it doesn't matter though. life is, that's all it needs to be. why complicate things. we all do our best, and it has to be good enough. if it isn't good enough, it has to do.

these are the thoughts that clutter my head when it's midnight and i'm home alone. gotta keep the ghosts away by staying up. =)