vacation ended too soon, went to kawasan, moalboal, bantayan and panglao. everyday was either a road trip or a boat ride to another island, walked along the shore and swam against the tide and basked in the sun like there was no tomorrow. chased the waterfalls and hiked the hillside and mountain tops, with no need for fleece or a warm jacket when twilight falls and the stars are out.

this is life, the way God intended it to be. no worries about refactoring or singletons or ejb descriptors or missing db tables. just sea and sand and moonlit nights.

poof! and the dream is gone. back to raincouver's hard gray pavement where my steps echo in that empty room with no windows. when i opened the door i saw my things neatly piled up in boxes. i'm being thrown out of the house. good thing i have friends here, who helped me pick up my stuff and find a new place to park my things. i couldn't be more homeless than i am now. my clothes are in my desk at the office and i shower at the gym. on mornings i would walk across the floor from one end to the other to stretch my legs and in the evenings i would talk to the cleaning lady who wonders every day why i work so late. "i live here", that's all i told her.

i will survive, somehow.

two nights ago i was talking to my friend about some ghosts from the past that used to haunt me, and so i took out some dusty chests of memories at the farthest corner of my mind and tried to break the latch. it creeked eerily and finally opened, then i found this piece about forgiveness..

"You forgive me for liking you too much,
And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,
And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,
And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,
And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,
And I'll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,
And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,
And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,
And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,
And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,
And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.
Do we have a deal?'

i've come a long way from that poem, i used to be the one saying those lines, now the tables have turned.. such is the circle of life.