i've always wanted to fly, be an astronaut, leave earth on a spaceship, walk on the moon, follow an orbit, discover new constellations, make paper airplanes that never crashes.. don't label me a dreamer, it could still happen you know. impossible is nothing. adidas. haha

oh well, last week's paper airplane contest had this crazy effect on me. it made me want to believe that i can actually design something noone else has every conceived before, but of course nothing is ever new under the sun, so yes i failed the longest flight test.

i wish i belonged to that time before gravity was named, maybe then i could have discovered more and named a few theorems after me, or my dog, whatever, back to work it is.

Restless. This city leaves me yearning for more. I can't stay too long, I feel like crawling out of this skin. This is not home, these strange people are like characters of a play that was written long before my time and now I am here, totally out of place, without meaning, without sense. I have too much time to think. Too much time to feel.

And the ghosts of my past are restless, wanting to come alive and wreak havoc. I need to gain control before it overtakes me. I can hear it sneaking up on me when my guard is down and I have too much time, too much time to not be me.

Tonight I walked to the skytrain while the weight of autumn gazed at my back and all these voices they keep screaming. I can't make them stop. I need to be with people who stay grounded. I need these pointless conversations to make me stay sane. And yet I have to stay away. I can always blame the season, the gray that comes too soon. My head was heavy with unreasonable thoughts and I hopped on the train towards the wrong direction. Two stations passed before I woke up to realize that I should get off and go the other way.

I am restless. This city leaves ms restless. These people have no faces and they never mean what they say or say what they mean. They keep forgetting and I have to go away. I have to stay away. It's for my own good. It's for their own good.

Tomorrow I will stay away.

my friend from the windy city decided to visit the province of endless rain. she flew into tacoma so we drove down there to pick her up and also to take krissy to the airport so she could catch her flight to florida. we had a detour at the space needle and late dinner at zumi - great sushi fusion restobar in downtown seattle. we rented a car but got a mini van instead so we had too much space and not enough people on this trip. especially since someone backed out and nobody was available at the last minute to do some spur of the moment roadtrip to washington state. anywhichway it was fine, i was navigator again who's only purpose is not really to navigate since the gps is there but rather to keep the driver awake. we got back at around 4am and i retired into dreamless sleep.

vancouver was never shy showing its true colors, rain clouds followed our weekend as we went to queen e park, lynn valley, cleveland dam, deep cove, lonsdale quay, stanley park and downtown. my friend sampled the city's public transit - bus, skytrain and seabus. day pass here is more expensive than in chicago for sure. to try extreme sports, i practiced juggling text messages while biking in the rain along the seawall, some people go crazy in this kind of weather. i'm one of them.

got the purple nanochromatic with "poeticnook 2008" engraved on the back - early birthday present. loaded it up with songs i copied from everyone else - in an effort to expand my music library.

i don't know what happened but somehow a sad veil has fallen over me. it caught me unexpected. i'm not even sure where it's coming from. it just came in a rush and i was left feeling really down and out. must be the sudden change of weather.. as much as i don't want the forces of nature to affect my mood, i couldn't shake off the feeling.

when my friend left 2 hours ago, i realized i'm all alone in vancouver. my travel buddies are gone, my friends with whom i can talk to about what happens behind my eyes are gone. people who will hug me and lend their shoulders for me to cry on when i'm running on empty and i need to hear words of hope - they're all gone. it's depressing to accept the fact that i am now without a listener in a strange city so far from home where i have no family and all i can rely on is me and myself..

i wanna go home...