Wishing we could choose our own landscape
Wishing me and you could just go anywhere we wanted
Once in a blue moon we'd stay out late
And watch the sun come up at five-thirty in the morning

It's a blue moon on New Year's eve, so I guess those people who once said they'd do something on a blue moon would have no excuse to run off this time ^^. There used to be a time in my life when I was just so awed by the moon, I was probably six then and just finished watching the lunar landing, inspiring me to be an astronaut or some rocket scientist. The dream went on till university and not really until I finally found myself at the NASA headquarters in Houston did I realize that I'm probably not gonna be fit enough to be an astronaut. So that probably means I won't be stacking any flags next to the USA's out there in that pot-holed surface.

When Geocities closed back in October this year, I lost a lot of literary works that I failed to backup. I was having some real world issues that I forgot my nine years of words were out there somewhere being deleted and falling into a virtual black hole. There were lots of poems and essays about the moon there. Beyond Forever was divided into Crossroads, Sunset, Moonlight, Nightscapes, Dreams, Chronicles and Footprints, I managed to salvage a few pages but the rest are now lost in dark recesses of my shadowy mind.

I ain't seen you, in a month of Sundays
I never knew exactly what it was I wanted
Once in a blue moon, you'd keep a promise
When it's you I don't mind such a long wait

I haven't written a poem in a long time. Maybe it's just the lack of inspiration, (where does one get them anyway?) or the lack of time (I certainly have lots now), or the lack of motivation. I don't know, I miss the Endless. I miss Bones From The Graveyard, I miss the NSP Poetry List, I miss a lot of irrecoverable things.

Someday I'll find rhymes again, someday words will just fall into place and my pen will touch paper and make long winding loops and dots that will somehow make sense to someone somewhere someday. For now there is the blue moon and there is the New Year to welcome. I'm praying for things to fall into place. I'm praying for my country, which is currently beset by typhoons, fires, boat sinkings and volcanic eruption - I'm coming home to you in a few weeks, hang in there.

Day will surely come,
one day I'll be with you
The day will surely come,
we will make it all come true

Soundtrack: "Once in a Blue Moon" by Lighthouse Family

I never realized the extent of the redundancy in my life until the minute I started packing my stuff. You never really think you have too much stuff until you start trying to fit them in boxes or suitcases. I thought I was an expert in packing already, after the countless moves I've done over the years, I move at an average of five times a year ever since I learned how to walk, and it was only when I was in Makati and Vancouver when that average was reduced to twice or thrice at best. Anyway, I should have learned my lesson and stopped accumulating useless little things that add up, but well here I am, still on the same dillema.

Can you imagine having 10 colors of the same shirt? (this OCB reminds me of the "The Catcher in the Rye" in Conspiracy Theory) dozens of hoodies, tanks, jeans, pedals, shorts, skirts, dresses, flip flops, sandals, runners, boots, none of which I have actually worn more than five times. How did I accumulate all these? And when I move on to my electronics box, eek! More evidence of consumerism here. How have I become so consumed with the things of the world? It's that bitten apple I tell you. It gives momentary happiness with its shiny blinking screens but causes much distress and grief to your wallet.

So now I'm faced with this awful task of eliminating these redundancy in my life. After all, how many laptops, iPhones and iPods do you need to be happy right? I'm thinking two of each would be good enough.. Kidding, of course you don't *need* any of those to be happy, but then again, it's not always what you *need* that makes you happy. It's usually what you *want*. For now I just want to have less luggage, so I can travel light. So which one of these headphones should I keep? I mean, really now, how many pairs of ears do I have again? ^^

Last Sunday of the year, and then four more Sundays to go before I leave on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again. Yeah I hate to go.. and yes I just mutilated a song.

This afternoon I stood before the altar and waited to get prayers, I'm lost and I need direction. This past few months has been a battle between what I want to do and where I want to be versus what I should be doing and where I should be staying. As I sat on one of the pews, I felt really sad, like a part of me has died, it almost felt like this is the end of the road for me and I will never come back here. I feel I have lost everything I strove for and I couldn't help but just stare in space and blink back tears.

I felt this year has been all about me moving at blinding speed on a collision course heading straight towards God. And now I'm a wreck, but I can't go back to how it was, I can't go back to how I was. I don't know why but just when I'm starting to get comfortable in a place or with people, I'm suddenly propelled away to the other direction. I just wanted to sink into the soil and grow roots, I just wanted a place to call home, but I guess my sixth grade poem was right, this world is not my home. And wherever God leads me, that's where I'll be, and that's where I'll thrive..

I'm just tired of all the packing, moving, goodbye-ing, I'm stuck between the longing and the letting go..

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow! =)

Anyway, enough of the melodrama already, we must enter the new year with big smiles, big hopes, big dreams and lots of prayers. So now I'm gonna turn off the sprinklers and turn up the fun stuff. On other news, I just bought a song from iTunes, I'm trying to build my Holiday playlist, and so far here's what I have:

1. You're Here by Francesca Battistelli
2. Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant
3. Born in Bethlehem by Third Day
4. I Need A Silent Night by Amy Grant
5. Wonderful Christmastime by Jars of Clay
6. Love Has Come by Amy Grant
7. Emmanuel by Amy Grant

On still other news, I'm also doing some writing for $$$, reminds me of that song from Barbie's Cradle: "Money For Food". Here's my revised lyrics:

"And maybe writing is a luxury
And when you can't afford it someday
It's possible you'll starve
If you will write all you like...
'cause people still need money for food.

So if you happen to see me on the street
Would you please give me coins and a drink
Cause people still need people
Who have money to give
Money for food"

Just came back from yet another English proficiency exam so I could qualify for a full time course, and all I can say is I'm running out of words. The essay part had an interesting topic, the premise is that some people say everything that happens in your life is your sole responsibility or your own fault, it means you are in control of your life and there are no outside forces that meddle with the outcome.

Where is God in this equation?

I passed the exam, I qualify for enrollment, but I don't think I want to study there.

My cousin just left for LA a few days ago, she was here for 6 days and I took her to all the ordinary places that a local would often take for granted. I hope she enjoyed her stay, I wish more friends and family would come visit me here. I don’t really enjoy going home to an empty home.

On her first day, we had dinner at this small Taiwanese noodle house in front of Metrotown, I’ve been looking for this one for the past how many months, I even thought it was closed already, my friend and I drove by a couple of times but couldn’t see it, but well apparently it’s still open and they serve really good iced milk tea =). After dinner we went to AuBAR for a dose of house music to satisfy the party girl in her – something she was really looking forward to. That was probably only the second time I’ve been to something like that here in Vancouver, the first time was two years ago and I distinctly remember my friend hurling at the side of the cab while on the way home ^^. This time there was nothing like that, I loved the effects of the lights and the way it feels like it’s pausing movements and slowing down time.

The next day we went to Church and I introduced her to people who are like my family here already. I remember my main purpose why I’m in this city - to work – but now that work is done, and I’ve lost touch with some of the people I used to hang out with at work, I am glad I have this Church community.

I showed my cousin how I lived my life here, we went downtown all bundled up in warm clothes, and I took her to some tourist landmarks like Gastown, Waterfront, and Stanley Park among others. We went to the healing rooms and got prayers, we watched a movie, shopped for souvenirs and gifts, ate sushi, cooked beef sinigang, went to a year end party, met up with a former workmate and talked nonstop till the wee hours of the morning about everything and nothing. I love my cousin, I love her eternal optimism and the way she brightens up even the most gloomy weather, It made me wish I had a sister.

I love this place, I really do, now if I can only take all the people that matters and ask them to take this empty seat beside me, then it wouldn’t be this lonely. For now, first things first, pack, leave, work, then come back when everything is better.

i still think the best part of watching tv is the commercial, and the best thing about the commercial is the song, what can i say, i'm a soundtrack junkie =) here are some of the new tracks i've added to my ipod that are inspired by tv ads, they go under my adtunes playlist

7. on the bus by hello gumption (nestle drumstick)
8. wash away by joe purdy (dawn)
9. all you need is love by grayson matthews (blackberry)
10. fly me away by annie little (amazon kindle)