the sunset's farewell

I am about to survive the weekend with not even a measly peso in my pocket. Things has gone from bad to worse since Friday night at Dish Cafe. And it's not even about the money, or rather the lack of it. Money is the most superficial problem in the world. It is people, people with their love for gossip and twisted stories of others' lives that will bring this world to shambles.

These cursed people are yet to be the cause of my ruin. Why can't the world just mind itself while I live on with my life. I guess this place really hates me, and no matter what I do, things will always go wrong. I belong nowhere and to nobody.. I am the wind, I am the rock being crushed by the waves of the sea. I am a nobody, a wanderer hitchhiking on some deserted road, finding the path to wherever my home is. There is no road sign, no stop light, no lighthouse to guide me. I am lost, as lost as anyone can ever be. And it is my fault, my mistake, the blasted ignorance of my reasoning, I have buried myself in a pit once again, and maybe, just maybe, this time there will be no turning back, there will be no saving grace, maybe there will be no tomorrow for me...

Delusions fill my mind, and I cannot say if it is from too much sleep or work or love or hate or the lack of all of these. I am drunk with feelings that are about to burst from my chest, and my head is pounding with anger. I am tired, and cannot fight the tides anymore. I will have to let go now.. It is in drowning that one is born again.. Maybe the next life for me would be easier, with no more pain nor sorrow nor bitter choices.

I shall follow that light from the distance.. I shall be free at last..

"Goodbye proud world, I'm going home..."