Its almost spring, dozens of people at osaka jo taking pictures of flowers starting to bloom is just one sign of it. Tomorrow we will be leaving osaka, after 6 weeks of language and cultural training, at last, real work is about to greet my mornings. And soon I will be home, wherever home may be. But somehow, a tinge of sadness is in the air. Something that i cannot touch has come to hurt me. And i feel it in the pit of my stomach, like rushing head first into the deep deep sea.

This place is quiet at last. devoid of hurrying footsteps going to the shokudo or the taisoukan, the uketsuke hito has nothing more to attend to, and the konpyuta no heya which is usually filled with people, now contains about 2 or 3 persons. It's almost dusk. The lights from nearby buildings are fighting against the dying light of the sun. And the intangible hurting, the sinking feeling has once again overtaken me.

Soon i too will leave this place. And it is not so much the leaving that saddens me, but rather the uncertainty of where i would be going next.

For now i close another chapter of my life's stories. Tomorrow, a new page is about to be written. And this sad feeling will leave me soon.. I hope.

It's been a while since I last wrote an entry here. December and January passed by like a breeze. Preparations for my travel to Nihon, parties, celebrations, gift-givings, goodbyes --- each has a story of its own. And it would have easily filled up ten pages of this chronicles page, had I mustered enough dilligence in me to write them all down here. But the lazy me prevailed and instead I confined my entries for those months in my little notebook of thoughts.

Today, I found a freeware html editor. At last I can continue editing my site wherever I am, and whatever PC I'm using, even without my favorite FrontPage editor. Now, I'll have no more excuse for not updating this page. Zanne'n desu ne. Oh well, you win some, you lose some =)

I'm in Osaka right now, and the weather is dull and cold. My friends here are out for the day --- home stays and home visits filled up their itenerary for the weekend, leaving me alone with this computer. I woke up this morning expecting snow, but only the cold chill greeted my face when I opened the door to the terrace. Soon winter would be over, and the flowers of spring would greet me when i wake up. It's a pity, I would not be able to see snowflakes before the cherry blossoms.

Months ago, the thought of learning a new language sounded interesting and fun to me. But now there are just too many words to remember, and too many rules to understand -- that it takes away the life in me. Every week, aside from learning hundreds of words and rules, and writing them in kana, we are required to pass an essay in Nihongo. I used to love writing essays, but now it's the one thing I dread most. There are so many feelings and observations I wanted to write down, but the lack of words to express it with, stops me and frustrates the *^%$ out of me.

Argh! Someday I will visit this place again for leisure, and not for work nor study. Then I can enjoy all the lovely sites and faces without having to worry about the hundred other things that I should be doing. I will not have to sleep at four in the morning pouring over words and phrases that means nothing to me. I'll have enough yen to buy the things I want, and not just stare at them on the shopping store windows. I'll be able to go to the places others have been to, and not just content myself with their stories and souvenirs.

Someday, my time will be mine, and not some else's. Telephone calls and emails, listening to songs I can't understand, tonight I'll sleep my aches away.

Oyasuminasai.