my friend zet is having problems with her love life right now (who isnt?) she is anticipating the hurt of the separation.. and because of that, she is hurting.

sometimes, the biggest, brightest moments in our lives never last for more than a minute, and it takes courage to look forward to that minute and enjoy every second of it than to wallow in the agony and the unfairness of the fact that it is something ephemeral. something we cannot take home and put name tags on and call our own.

i've been in the situation more than once, and it takes practice to overlook the dark spots and concentrate on the white cloth, especially when we are trained to look for the flaw in the bigger scheme of things. it took me a lot of hurting, a lot of mistakes, and a lot of heartbreaks to realize that im doing it wrong. instead of fighting the darkness from falling, we should appreciate every ray of light the sun holds for us.

it takes courage to look at the bright side of things. it takes a lot of effort to be happy.

it was by chance when we met on this road
it was pure luck that has brought us here
and now as the sun rests its final glow
we find ourselves dreaming

the moonbeams have a way of deceiving
with the light that it casts upon our heads
it makes us think we could go on believing
though we know we both must leave

you speak of the one whom your soul has loved
while i listen to your every word
i look at the stars that shine above us
and note how they seem to smile

shadows lengthen as the night becomes deep
once again it's time to bid farewell
echoes of your voice stay still in the air
piercing the dark night in vain

i choose not to hear the words you've just said
for my heart could not bear to forget
how could you stand and leave without thinking
when i'm here in deep regret

tomorrow you'll take the path you've chosen
as i decide if i should go too
i know i'm a fool if i choose to leave
but what's the use if i stay

the light has gone out, i too must go now
so take my hand and lead me back home
and if fate is not that unkind
i may be gone tomorrow..

if you choose to come to this same spot
and find me no longer sitting here,
just look as the sun rests its final glow
and think of me as you dream....

march, 1998

once again i sit here lost in thought
though i choose to forget
my mind insists on remembering

i have given up a long time ago
knowing how great the odds were against me
yet still it comes back
like a nightmare it hunts,

it stalks,

it frightens me
as clear as a photograph taken in midday
as crisp as the leaves of summer
it brings back a lot of memories

of days gone by, of love once had
it's not easy to forget when the wind whipers your name
how could i erase your image from my mind,
when every sight and sound reminds me of you?

it is not right that i should feel this way
it is not right that i should want you
you were the one who chose to be free
you were the one who chose to leave
and i know i must learn to let you go

yet why do i still long for you?
why does my heart tirelessly beat
in the hope that i might see you again

i am a fool to feel this way
still i sit here lost in thought

in despair i call your name
it seems rather absurd for me to be shouting
when you're too far away....
to hear...

to feel...

to know...
that i love you

so i just close my eyes and pray
that someday you'll come

and

break my solitude

ndg.04.10.1998

You Alone
by Rolando Carbonell

You alone, beloved,
can teach me to measure the memory of a song...
No one knows to what ecstasy my heart will soar.
The gentleness in your smile is enough
to touch the tenderness in my heart.
In the secret page of my life is written a story...
never to be forgotten.
For all the silent records this vessel holds
contain the memory of you.

Come, then, beloved, and sing with the songs so sweet.
Burn my soul with the magic jewel of your song
that i may awaken from the darkness of this world
to view the blossoming of the stars.

And is there any power greater than love?
Speak then, beloved, speak.
Give to me the essence of your love,
and the slumbering poems in this dark universe
will blazon anew, swelling like waves
upon the bosom of a hungry shore.

Because you and I shall sing,
heaven itself will quiver with a burst of song.
And the morning shall greet us with a glow
to open the flowering of a new tune.

No one else but you can still the throbbing,
sobbing, murmuring voice within.
No one.

For you alone can reach the silent stretches of my soul.
You alone...

Without you, beloved, what joy will there be in a song? Without the embraces of your love -
what use is the beauty of the morn?
Without the promise of your kiss,
what delight is there in the fragrance of a rose?

Without you, my love,
memory itself will lose the beauty of its touch...
Come then, my dear, like a flower, like a song,
like a dream...

And I shall write the forgotten poems of many days
you secretly left in my soul.
In every line I shall scribble the many thoughts
this soaring mind holds.

And the music in my heart shall spread its wings
to envelop the memory of your youth scattered by the winds.

You alone can make a miracle out of a song...
You alone can transform this poem into a prayer...
You alone can make me feel the breath of life again.

Beyond Forgetting
by Rolando A. Carbonell

For a moment I thought I could forget you.
For a moment I thought I could still the restlessness in my heart. I thought the past could no longer haunt me - nor hurt me. How wrong I was!

For the past, no matter how distant, is as much a part of me as life itself. And you are part of that life. You are so much a part of me - of my dreams, my early hopes, my youth and my ambitions - that in all my tasks I can’t help remembering you. Many little delights and things remind me of you.

Yes, I came. And would my pride mock my real feelings? Would the love song, the sweet and lovely smile on your face, be lost among the deepening shadows?

I have wanted to be alone.
I thought I could make myself forget you in silence and in song...And yet I remembered. For who could forget the memory of the once lovely, the once happy world such as ours?

I came because the song that I kept through the years is waiting to be sung. I cannot sing it without you. The song when sung alone will lose the essence of its tune, because you and I had been one.

I have wanted this misery to end, because it is part of my restlessness. Can't you understand? Can't you divine the depth and the tenderness of my feelings towards you? Yes, can’t you see how I suffer in this even darkness without you?

You went away because you mistook my silence for indifference. But silence, my dear, is the language of my heart. How could I essay the intensity of my love when silence speaks a more eloquent tone? But, perhaps, you didn't understand...

Remember, I came because the gnawing loneliness is there and will not be lost until the music is sung, until the poem is heard, until the silence is understood....until you come to me again.

For you alone can blend the music and memory into one consuming ecstasy. You alone...