even the best fall down sometimes

Hello again, it’s you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin’ wine, killing time
Trying to solve life’s mysteries

Been a long time since i last sat here to just write and think about you, i never really go to coffee shops to drink coffee, unless it’s Tim Horton’s iced cap, which by the way I’m trying to cut down on. so why am i here anyway? it’s not like you’ll magically appear out of nowhere and we would be talking about mundane stuff as if no time or distance has passed between us, while we try and fail miserably to extend the tolerance we have for each other.

How’s your life, it’s been a while
God it’s good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave

You’re this habit I need to break but I don’t really have the will to, being with you is almost like the age old tradition of sun worship which everybody else forgot the origins of and the reasons for, yet a few old souls like me still follow faithfully down to the last letter. Maybe i just don’t care if it actually means anything anymore; it’s an unexplained compulsion, an addiction, a fatal obsession that has taken away all the light in my world.

If you don’t know if you should stay
If you don’t say what’s on your mind
Baby just breathe
There’s nowhere else tonight we should be

if I could string enough words tonight to conjure you here beside me, then i will not put this pen down till my hand grows blisters and all the paper in the world are filled with stories of your closed eyes, and the laughter from the skies that I hear whenever I see a falling star. It’s those childish fantasies we made that still visit my dreams every night back when I used to sleep. it drove me crazy. Now, I don’t surrender to the night anymore, i stay up and drown those voices in music and letters that knows no end. i fight the darkness until I’m numb and I’m sure that i can finally retire peacefully into a slumber of dreamless sleep.

I dug up this old photograph
Look at all that hair we had.
It’s bittersweet to hear you laugh
Your phone is ringing I don’t wanna ask

Sitting here is like sitting on a church pew on a week day when there’s no mass and all I do is watch the sunlight play shadows on the altar while pigeons find corners to hide in. thinking of you is my way of going home to a sacred place, somewhere safe and untouched, a simple truth reminding me that all is right with the world and i can safely tuck my worries under the bed without fear of it ever coming back to bite me.

If you go now, I’ll understand
If you stay, hey, I’ve got a plan
We’re gonna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines

I know you will probably just tell me again that you read too much of my words but understand so little of what I really mean. Well I guess all I wanted to say was..

I miss you.

music: Bon Jovi, "You Want to Make a Memory"