0
easter weekend
Posted by poeticnook
on
4/11/2009 09:27:00 PM
in
in transit
I feel most alive when the road changes and moves beneath me, but I feel most at home when I am flying above the clouds or riding the waves in the middle of the ocean.
Two decades ago, my holy week would have been spent fasting, doing the stations of the cross, going to confession, communion and church. A decade ago, I would have been going home from university for summer vacation, spending time with family, going to memorial to commemorate the last supper on nissan 14.
In between then and now, my disappointment and disillusionment with people and institutions hardened my heart. God does not reside only in the church of the pious but also in the hearts of the lonely and the passionate.
As I stood on the fishing boat watching the waves of the open sea crash onto its sides and almost tip it over, I gazed up at the vast gray clouds and thanked God for lending me this life, for sending his son Jesus Christ to die for my sins so that I may be redeemed, for showering me with blessings and showing me miracles everyday, then I asked for forgiveness for all my trespasses and once again I prayed for Him to take me away.
I felt the raindrops like needle pricks against my face while I held on to the bars to keep myself from falling overboard. It's moments like these that give me clarity - when I feel like I'm a tiny insignificant dot in the universe, that in the blink of an eye I could be gone and would cease to exist. Feels so different compared to sitting in front of the computer in an antiseptic cube.
It reminded me of my childhood spent on small boats and the big waves of Romblon. I have come a long way from home, and when I talked to my family last Wednesday I felt so far away and so lost. Why did I grow up too fast, too soon..
I still feel out of place sometimes, like I just woke up from a dream and I'm suddenly surrounded by all these grown ups, only to realize that I am a grown up myself with no clue on how to proceed. And yet an epiphany came to me as the sea swallowed my uncertainties. I know what to do now.
If only I can keep myself from being sad and restless in between now and that time.. I hope I can survive.
Two decades ago, my holy week would have been spent fasting, doing the stations of the cross, going to confession, communion and church. A decade ago, I would have been going home from university for summer vacation, spending time with family, going to memorial to commemorate the last supper on nissan 14.
In between then and now, my disappointment and disillusionment with people and institutions hardened my heart. God does not reside only in the church of the pious but also in the hearts of the lonely and the passionate.
As I stood on the fishing boat watching the waves of the open sea crash onto its sides and almost tip it over, I gazed up at the vast gray clouds and thanked God for lending me this life, for sending his son Jesus Christ to die for my sins so that I may be redeemed, for showering me with blessings and showing me miracles everyday, then I asked for forgiveness for all my trespasses and once again I prayed for Him to take me away.
I felt the raindrops like needle pricks against my face while I held on to the bars to keep myself from falling overboard. It's moments like these that give me clarity - when I feel like I'm a tiny insignificant dot in the universe, that in the blink of an eye I could be gone and would cease to exist. Feels so different compared to sitting in front of the computer in an antiseptic cube.
It reminded me of my childhood spent on small boats and the big waves of Romblon. I have come a long way from home, and when I talked to my family last Wednesday I felt so far away and so lost. Why did I grow up too fast, too soon..
I still feel out of place sometimes, like I just woke up from a dream and I'm suddenly surrounded by all these grown ups, only to realize that I am a grown up myself with no clue on how to proceed. And yet an epiphany came to me as the sea swallowed my uncertainties. I know what to do now.
If only I can keep myself from being sad and restless in between now and that time.. I hope I can survive.
