if

on an autumn day

I get lost between the fallen leaves

longing

longing for the morning

before I retrace my steps

down that path 

where you showed me secrets

of flowers that never fade

of three suns that never set

and

the beating hearts

that never stop

nor bleed, nor break

but I hope I will find you

still waiting

because I 

may have lost myself in you

and you knew it all along

yes you knew

but you

just held me

then led me

and I found myself in you

2013.11.03.10.53.am.pst

hello, it's you again,
knocking on my door like an old friend,
I see you're still stringing words
trying to beat me in that fleeting rhyme game

hi there, it's me once more
playing hide and seek with the rain
I hold your hand as if we never parted
rewriting lines I've long since forgotten

adieu, it's time to leave
before the rains flood the door of my memory,
the words may rhyme and find new meanings
as your hands trace my lines 'til the morning

but for now,
the sky is dark,
and the night is long,
so let's go back to dreaming

2013.10.23.2.24.pm.pst

With a pack on my back and a bag to lug around,
I walk in between the drops of Vancouver rain
Escaping a city that’s passing me by
Like a seasoned wanderer that leaves without care

Will tomorrow find me with quarters and loonies?
Or another couch to surf and fall asleep on?
Will the answers lead me to yet more questions?
Or will I finally leave this life without a home?

I trace the lines on my face and wonder
If my dreams lie across the bridge made of gold
There’s no way to know unless I start walking,
So perhaps I should dream no more.

With a pack on my back and a bag to lug around,
I fly towards the skies of San Francisco

2013.09.27.05.50.pm.pst

to n27.ca

in the buses here, the gazes never meet
like time-bound travellers rushing from one destination to the next,
there is no time to say "hi, how do you do?" or "what a lovely morning, it looks like it won't rain"
just a quick "thank you, driver" before we get off and leave again

as people are trapped in their own devices, with music that matches the soundtrack of their lives
the ride goes on from suburb to slums to downtown to park,
and shuttles us from house to work to leisure then back to places we call home for now,

I find myself back here again,
in the middle of everything and nothing all at once
Everything goes in circle
Even bus 19

2013.08.08.2013.5.03.p.m.pst.

Sabi nila, marami daw ang nakakalimot lumingon sa kanilang pinanggalingan. Hindi ko minsan naisip na mangyayari to sa kin.

Parang kahapon lang ng ako'y nasa Sibuyan kasama si Lola, umiigib ng tubig sa poso, nagtatampisaw sa ilog at dagat, nagtatabi tabi po sa mga kulipaw at nagbibilang ng mga huni ng kuliglig pagdating ng gabi dahil walang ingay ng mga de kuryenteng gamit sa paligid.

Naalala ko pa na pinapapasok namin ni Lolo ang mga manok sa ilalim ng aming bahay kubo tuwing hapon at ginigising kami ng mga tilaok nito pagdating ng umaga. Pag tanghali naman ay sinusubukan naming sungkitin ang mga lomboy, mangga, at tambis sa aming puno para meron kaming imimiryenda.

Ang simple ng buhay noon, walang kailangan pag aralan kundi ang paglipas ng panahon at pag iwas sa mga bagyong sasalanta sa aming taniman. Kung suswertihin ay may malalaking isda o lambay na ilalako sa aming bakod at papalitan ang mga ito ni Lola ng isang salop na bigas o ng ilang niyog at saging.

Maliit din ang mundo noon, lahat ng tao sa paligid ay pamangkin ng kapatid ng apo ng tatay ng pinsan ni kuwan. Lahat ng tao ay kamag anak, mabait at mapagkakatiwalaan.

Hindi ko alam kung kelan ko unang napansin na nagbago ang ikot ng mundo, kung kelan naging kumplekado ang lahat, kung kelan biglang lahat ng bagay ay natutumbasan ng pera, kung kailan nawala ang pagtitiwala ng mga tao sa isa't isa.

Siguro nagsimula  ito ng tumigil sa paghuni ang mga kuliglig na natabunan ng tunog ng mga radyo at telebisyon sa kanto. Malamang kasabay nito ang pagkawala ng mga kulipaw at mga puno sa paligid ng dati naming kubo. Isa isa na ring nawala ang mga pinsan ng tatay ng apo ng kapatid ng pamangkin ni kuwan. Baka nagpa syudad na sila o nangibang bansa at iniwan ang sariling bayan.

Noong isang araw ay napanaginipan ko si Lola, nakangiti sya ng sabihin kong sasakay ako ng eroplano at tatawid ng langit para dalhan sya ng malalaking tsokolate at mansanas. "Ay sarawayon ka gid", ang sabi nya, "ano imong ginahambal, wara na gani ko'y ngipon, anhun pa naku ang mansanas, wa na kadulot! Ayaw na pagkadto", sabay tawa at kurot sa aking tuhod.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako aalis pero kailangan. Minsan kapag bumukas ang pinto, dapat itong puntahan para malaman kung ano ang nasa kabilang dulo. Maaring masaktan, magkamali, madapa, masugatan, pero hindi ito ang pinaka nakakatakot na pwedeng mangyari sa buhay. Mas nakakatakot mabuhay ng parating nagtatanong ng kung ano kaya sana.

Sabi nila, marami daw ang nakakalimot lumingon sa kanilang pinanggalingan. Sa tingin ko, hindi ito mangyayari sa kin

23 minuto makalipas ang ika-4 ng umaga, ika-2 ng Hulyo, 2013

I wrote this piece back in the first semester of 1999 while sitting in at a class of Abstract Algebra, this was in response to the poem in Kahlil Gibran's "The Madman", which I was reading while the professor was discussing ring homomorphisms - talk about multitasking!

I finished writing it in less than an hour, faster than I could prove isomorphic functions. If I had pursued creative writing, I'm sure I would have been pondering on the origins of natural numbers while the professor rambles on about metaphors.

I guess it just shows that we are more than the things we study, more than degrees and titles we add to our names, more than labels and boxes we try hard to fit ourselves into.

We are infinite possibilities waiting to happen, and we can do more as long as we put our heart and mind into it.

my friend, I dream too much of the past,
too much that I've lost myself in it,
unable to wake and live once more.

the "I" in me my friend
would like to leave the house of silence,
for it has been there for too long,
I would not like to be chained forever

when you called me and I did not answer,
my mind was flying over the hills and high mountains,
I was finding myself
I was hoping you'd find me

my friend, you do not understand my wandering thoughts,
but I'd like you to understand,
I cannot fly alone

when I look at the sunset,
you impatiently wait for the break of dawn,
yet even then we bask under the radiance of the same moon,
how I would like you to see my sunset,
as I would love to welcome your dawn

when you swim for the shore, my friend,
I let the waves crush me to the rocks,
for death is the only way I know I could be free.
I wish I knew how to swim
I wish you could teach me

you say I love truth and beauty and righteousness,
yet you do not see how I burn,
how I wish you would see,
but you do not want to,
so I let you believe

my friend, I am not good and wise, no I am not perfect
I would like to shout and be mad for once,
but my walls are too high,
no one will hear me

my friend, you tell me I am not your friend,
help me to understand,
can we not walk together?
I'll let you lead the way,
let me take your hand

does it blink? does it shine?

does it help me make a rhyme?

will it cut? will I bleed?

will it tell me when it's time?

all these tiny useless things 

they keep me away from You

this silver and this gold

they hide from me what's true

2013.06.23.4.41.p.m.

A friend once asked me why I would want to leave this paradise to swim out there with the sharks.  This is a nice nook to grow roots in and though I've tried to escape this place a lot of times in the past, I keep coming back just because it's so easy to just slip and slide here, to spin in place and fade into mediocrity. It's a comfort zone and after the jungle I've been to, it's a welcome change to finally find some peace and quiet.

When I expressed that I’ll be moving on to uncharted territory soon, my workmate said he’d rather be a big fish in a small pond than be a small fish in the big sea, that way he can affect how the current flows and he will matter more compared to those around him. While it might be tempting for a 5^th grader to solve nursery rhymes to get an A+, I would rather try some polar coordinates to expand my understanding. After all, you’ll never know how far you can go unless you risk going too far.

It’s true, it’s so easy to just stay and not upset the waters, but my heart is a warrior and it will not rest until it has conquered its Kilimanjaro. Though I’ve been in free parking for a time now, I’m ready to throw my dice into the air to see where it lands, it could be Boardwalk or it could be jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, but I’ll never know until I try right? So here we go..