Somebody emailed and asked for this article, so thank you Google for having the actual news print on file. I think I lost my original unedited copy of this so good thing there's an online newspaper version. It's actually copyrighted by Inquirer because as soon as you submit it to YoungBlood, you get some $$$ and it's theirs to keep forever.

Anyway, here it is transcribed:

---

Another night in Fukuoka, a night to be spent watching the waves break in the vast sea, and admiring the twilight engulfing the sky with colors and shadows.

I've been away from home for more than two months now, and still the vastness of the sky, the cool wind from the sea of Kyushu and the pale light from the stars provide me little comfort. Knowing there is still 10 weeks left before I will see the sunset from the shores of my own country deepens my sadness. I tell myself I am missing my home and wishing to go back.

But where is my home?

Is it in Romblon, where I lived until I was around 4 years old? Is my home there with my lola, who raised me and told me stories about their life during the war, and taught me nuggets of wisdom that sounded like vague puzzles when I was young? Is it somewhere there between the coconut trees and the beaten path leading to the river in the town where only the rich has electricity and watching a movie means sitting before a television set powered by batteries?

Or is it in the different boarding houses in Manila where my mom and I used to live after leaving my father, who gambled away my mother's earnings and who came home late at night and beat her up? Is it in relatives' houses in Las Pinas, Makati, Marikina, Bulacan and cavite who complained day in and day out about the rising costs of food and electricity and water and how some people living with their family weren't contributing enough?

Is it in Cebu where I studied college, living on my own, learning to fend for myself, and loving the moon for being my constant companion and being the only sure thing in the world?

Is it in the shores of Dumaguete to where my brother was deported after he flunked several subjects and lived like a prince, getting monthly allowance while wasting his life away?

Is it in Bohol where my father took all of us one Christmas and brought us to a beach without checking if we had enough money to go back to the city, and so drenched by the rain, we had to wait for someone who would give us a free ride back to the hotel?

Is it on the ship where we spent one New Year going back from Romblon to Manila? Or is it on the bus where we spent one Christmas going back from Batangas to Makati?

Or is home in any of the countless hotels we stayed in as we went to different place? (No, we did not go to different place to look at interesting sites but because there was no other place we could stay for so long.)

So tell me, my moon, is home on the 11th floor of the office where I work until early morning and from where I take long cold walks to an empty room in yet another boarding house? Is it here in a foreign country where I have to learn neew technology and a new language, and wake up everyday to strange sounds and faces and places and culture?

My moon doesn't answer. I think only the waves and the wind hear my musings. So tonight, I will sleep tight, and from tomorrow onwards, I will bring my home with me wherever I go.

2002.05.09

it's esp cycle once again and this should be fairly easy for me, a math major who's into numbers and figures and percentages, there's really nothing to it, the ranges are there, the factors are lined up, and all i actually need to do is plug the digits and submit them to my upline for approval. so what's holding me back?

it's just that these numbers just grew faces, and these faces have grown into people, and these
people have lives and families and hopes and dreams, and here i am putting a number on them.

so this is how it feels to grow a heart.

there are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls, tonight is one of them as I sit on the roof counting the stars..

when we disappear,
we disappear too quickly

and not even the rain
remembers our passing

when we disappear,
we disappear completely

inspired by the blog of impossible things, I've decided to make my own bucket list of seemingly unreachable goals. I'll try to challenge myself and cross them off one at a time until I've proven myself otherwise.

I'm writing again.. this must mean I will be wandering off soon..

been sick for a couple of days now but this song is pulling me back to wellness.

Back To You
MercyMe

Nobody said it would be easy
Nobody said that life's a breeze
Tossin' and turnin', oh the wind keeps churnin'
Like I'm a little toy boat out on the sea

If I'm down don't count me out
I'll slowly get back on my feet
Stumblin' and fumblin', but I keep on coming
Just as long as you're not giving up on me

When I trip, I fall and slow down to a crawl
And feel like I've got nothing left to lose
I may slip, slide, and watch our worlds collide
But I will
Hit the ground running back to you

There are days my head is spinning
Wishing I could hit the switch and end this ride
If it came to a stop and someone let me off I know
I would just get right back in line

When I trip, I fall and slow down to a crawl
And feel like I've got nothing left to lose
I may slip, slide, and watch our worlds collide
But I will
Hit the ground running back to you

What kind of love would say
I love you anyway
Oh, time and time again

When I trip, I fall and slow down to a crawl
And feel like I've got nothing left to lose
I may slip, slide, and watch our worlds collide
But I will
Hit the ground running back to you
I will
Hit the ground running back to you

I may slip, slide and watch our worlds collide
But I will, yes I will
Hit the ground running back to you
I hit the ground running back to you

I hit the ground, crashing down, rolling round
But I rebound, I get back up and I'll be found
Running, running back to you

I'm running back to you
Back to you
Back to you
Back to you
Running back to you

On a recent interview for work, I was asked this question: "Do you have the heart to fire people?"

Me, being typically over analytical, gave it a second to churn in my head before I processed a response. In that tiny slice of time, I actually conjured several answers at the top of my mind:

v0.1 heart? what heart? I don't have a heart. period.
v1.0 how can you put heart and fire people in the same sentene? that's so cruel..
v1.1 harharhar of course, I love firing people, off with his head!
v1.2 you mean like burn them? literally?
v1.3 *insert wild laughter here* uhm what was the question?
v1.4 sure, why not? can I do it now? can I? can I?

But of course, thanks to the neatly tied up strings that keep everything in place in my psyche, I said this instead:

Me: Have you seen that movie "Up in the Air" ?

Interviewer: No

Me: Well, it's about this guy whose job is to go fly to different places to fire people. Basically the management in the companies that hire him don't have the courage to deliver the bad news to their employees so they had to outsource someone else to do it.

Anyway, the point is, it's not about having the heart to fire people, it's more about how to tell them that there's something else out there that's more suited to their skills, where they could grow more and excel and be happy and appreciated. The challenge is not about having the guts to say you're fired to someone but rather it's finding a way to say it without making them feel like it's the end of the road, game over, do not pass go, you may now safely turn off your computer.. *insert flat line sound here*

So to answer your question, yes, it's easy to fire people, I can do it if necessary. But more importantly, I can deliver what seems like bad news and turn it into something that could well be the best move for their career at that time.