as i wrap up my 5 days of sun in the city of angels, i feel a sense of loss. the crows sing in the background and suddenly i miss everything and nothing all at once. top priority on my list right now is to rebook my flight back home so i could leave bc earlier.

for the past 12 months, i've been on 27 plane rides, 2 boat rides, and countless road trips. it doesnt really look like i'm running away from safety eh? for next year, i plan to stay grounded, just spin in place and grow roots. it may be frightening at first but i know it's time to hang my wings out to dry and pursue the things i've avoided for so long - settling down.

a long december and there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last
i can't remember the last thing you said as you were leavin'
now the days go by so fast

and it's one more day up in the canyons
and it's one more night in hollywood
if you think that i could be forgiven... i wish you would

the smell of hospitals in winter
and the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
all at once you look across a crowded room
to see the way that light attaches to a girl

and it's one more day up in the canyons
and it's one more night in hollywood

if you think you might come to california... i think you should

drove up to the hillside manor sometime after two a.m.
and talked a little while about the year
i guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

and it's been a long december and there's no reason to believe
maybe this year will be better that the last
i can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
to hold on to these moments as they pass

and it's one more day up in the canyon
and it's one more night in hollywood
it's been so long since i've seen the ocean... i guess i should

- counting crows, "a long december"

believe it or not, this is my first "real" christmas celebration - the tree, the lights, the gifts, the holiday songs playing in the background, the dinner with every member of the family present - they're all so new and foreign, but apparently for some it's an age old tradition; something they take for granted. if they only knew how it is to not have a complete family, i'm sure they'll learn to appreciate each other more and cherish each other's presence and role in their lives.

on a lighter note, look what santa got for me =)

still not done with the gift shopping and wrapping, nor with the tracing of scripts. so i got crazy and got a dell 196fp as a gift for myself. this will help me see all the defects in full color. more importantly, a dual monitor setup allows me to see all the sub groups i made on my ym. haha. what an excuse to buy something. just like what mavic said, you can never get enough of what you don't really need.

woke up to a snowy morning today. the streets look so picture perfect - straight from a postcard with a "white christmas" caption. had a snowball fight with my cousins then we drove to oakridge to get more things to wrap and put under the dressed up pine tree. hmmm, wish my wireless mighty mouse and keyboard is hiding somewhere under the pile. i'm slowly building my home office setup, tomorrow i'm getting an hp f2140. next time i get snowed in, my room will be loaded with all the things i need to be functional.

watching iron chef right now, secret ingredient is oyster, yum! i miss that.

tis that season again, that time of the year when you start looking at the past n years of your life and reflect on why you are where you are and wonder if next year will be the same.

"There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever."- Ally McBeal-

after an attack of sporadic geekiness (is there such a word?) i took this test and here's my result:

Which OS are You?

there are holiday parties and send off dinner invites left and right, the calories are piling up and my dollars are depleting. this is why i hide in my room at this time of the year. well if only i could, it's shopping season, time to promote consumerism and commercialism to make the economies of the world turn, that being said, i'm late on my gift buying.

went to ikea last saturday with paolo, my visit to their showroom inspired me to redecorate my room. ordered a loft bed online. will be rearranging some stuff to make more space for a work desk. hopefully, it will look like this in the end.

found a nice gift for saturday at costco last night. now if only i can move my lazy self and find the energy to wrap it. will probably opt for a gift bag instead coz i really don't want to waste my time putting something together that will just be carelessly torn apart in a few minutes.

funny when you stay away from one far place, something unexpected comes up and takes you to something farther. was supposed to have dinner tonight with workmates but i wasn't up to it. twas raining and we'll be taking the skytrain. so i went home and hanged out with my cousin and her friend.

on a whim, quel suggested we go to vandusen and see the festival of lights. gi borrowed her mom's car and we drove there. it was a serene sight - watching colored drops of red, green and yellow dance around the trees in tune with nostalgic holiday music. almost makes you feel more alone but not when you're with crazy people.

life is never boring when you're crazy.

- that's the budget for the white elephant event on saturday, in case you don't know what that is - it's a new way to promote the value of stealing gifts this holiday season. went to metrotown and looked for anything interesting but found none. what makes it harder is that it has to be unisez. probably was looking at the wrong places - american eagle, the source, coast mountain, sportchek, then i gave up and just bought postcards and wrapping paper from the dollar store. i don't want to be boring and buy a starbucks gift check. half the people are thinking of doing that already. wish i could be as lucky as zet, finding love at first sight while looking at one store window, but then it is easier to find things when your budget is a hundred bucks.

oh well, surely a giant light bulb would pop out of my brain at the last minute and i'll figure something out. in the meantime i'll concentrate on my chocklit monster project. hope i make it..

*crossing fingers*

went away tonight, to somewhere i've never been to, to a place where i can step out and breathe the cold air till it rips my lungs apart. looked up to a star filled sky and listened to the sound of water breaking the rocks. i almost felt alive again, almost. yet it was empty, the darkness was vast and i could drown in it if i wanted to, i could get lost like so many others are lost everyday. but what's the point really? when the line between sanity and madness is so thin that you can cross over with the snap of a finger if you wanted to, everything becomes so fleeting and volatile and scary. why do we hang on when it's so much easier to trip and go overboard and be crazy..

this is one of those days when i just want to hop into a car and drive as far as possible from the toxic waste that is also known as the people around me. i need to find meanings, i've lost the motivation to wake up. i'm afraid that if somebody touches me, i will dissolve into molecules.

there is hope.. after two days of snow and two days of rain, i saw a rainbow at work today - a promise that the sun will come out soon to erase all the greyness away.
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here my keyboard finds me at a loss, unable to type another word that might bring some inspiring quotation to life - especially when inconsequential worries are bugging me and i'm watching paramedics trapped upside down and bleeding in grey's anatomy. haven't been following this series for a while, the episodes have lain unwatched on my iphone for eternity.

tonight, had to report my atm card as stolen but was put on hold for a good 30 minutes before i could speak to a live person "there is no available call center officer to take your call" is still ringing in my ears - must be a real busy day for them. as it is for me, as always. can't get funds from my bank now, still have to submit a notarized affidavit of loss to my branch that's a thousand miles away. well, it's a good time to start saving.

the battery i've been waiting for finally came, it's late and it doesn't fit. sometimes life hits you at the most unexpected moment in the most unexpected of ways. already spent around 15 bucks for the taxes now i have to ship it back to get a refund. hmmm things are getting more interesting everyday.

have to be in 2 support calls at 6am tomorrow morning, hope i'm sane enough at that unholy hour so i can effectively do my work. i also hope that my spell of unfortunate events would run out soon. my four leaf clover is on the verge of giving up.

**credits to ethos_tech who took this photo**

this is the view from our back porch, we're snowed in, can't go out. me and my cousins ordered mickey d's mcflurry and mcnuggets while shopping online and watching reruns of csi.

more reasons to be lazy on a weekend when all around you is white flurries. wish i brought my office laptop home last friday, that way i could work from home on monday.

tomorrow's forecast is torrential rain - mcslushies anyone?