and it's the waiting that kills me.
eyes weary, mind blank, nothing matters
but the stream of music roaring from
my mp3.

and it goes on, two hours and counting.
surprising how one tuesday night could
feel like a week that never ends.

time freezes like ice when you're bored
reading letters over and over, finding
meaning for words lost a long time in
the past.

the dreaming starts; in between fits of
wakefulness and watching; and waiting,
yes the waiting..

that never ends..

Friday night was a night of music and bright lights. The ad congress was in full swing and everywhere you turn you'll see people with big i.d.'s dangling from their necks. the noise (or must i say music) was ear splitting. I played the old grouch and stayed at Bo's sipping iced cappuccino, watching the people twist their bodies at odd angles trying to catch a semblance of grace while swinging to the beat (or should i have said they danced the night away?).

Dancing is one of the forms of self-expressions that I never let myself learn. For me, it's just like some of those sports, which is better to watch from the sidelines than play in the field. Or of course, maybe I'm just not an expressive person. I've always associated music and dancing with festivities. And perhaps there has not been much festivity that I have witnessed in my life that’s why I never learned how to dance. or then again maybe there's just too much stoicism in me

But music, music is another thing. I pick up my keyboard and find notes for my favorite songs, and surprisingly I get them. But I can never read musical pieces. I had piano lessons when I was a kid but the teacher gave up on me. Maybe because I played a pop song on his class instead of the piano exercises he wanted me to practice. =)

Last night, I composed a tune to a song I made, but since I'm not good at reading and writing notes, the song turned out to be a poem instead. (",) But I memorized the tune in my head, and I can play it with my eyes closed. Good thing I couldn't write it down, then nobody would know if I made a mistake while playing, hehehe.

My world is filled with fragments that cannot be written down, for I have neither words nor talent to engrave it with letters nor transform it into something tangible and make it last forever. But I have a good memory, a memory that most of the times tortures me. nonetheless it will be enough to store all those moments that I could not put into writing, those songs that I can never learn to sing, those tunes that I will never be able to play. And in sleep, my memory will be the ruler of my world. and it will bring back all my dreams. one after the other.

fade into my skin like a lullaby
break a piece of my loneliness and take my hand
you sing like one too tired to ache
you ache like one too tired to mind

and i said simmer
to the drone of my guitar
tonight the stars and all the planets will just watch by
come along, melt me with your promises

we both know we'll regret this all tomorrow
but i dont mind coz it's easier to forget
when i know there's no tomorrow waiting
for us

but tonight ill sing some songs
fumbling upon each button
watching you watching me
too tired to mind, too lost to care

yes, let me play one more tune
you and i and a couple of shots
the sky won't mind if we stayed too long
melting in each others arms

don't let me on to your fears
i won't care, i don't care
and if i say i never did
i know you'd see through me

but what's the use of asking
i don't need to see the mist
forming in your eyes
i can't bear it, but neither
can i hold your hand

so let's stay, as far away,
as we can, from each other
walk away, don't look back
i don't need another hurtful goodbye

as nights and shadows fill me,
feelings are flowers that wilt and die
don't make me stay, you know i cant
ill laugh with you, lie with you,
but no, don't let me cry.
again.

Today I am writing about today. The weather is brooding, hinting of heavy rains later this afternoon. My neck is stiff from too much staring at the monitor and my eyes tired from lack of sleep. I came in at the office one and a half hour late, my head still aching from a fever I had since last night. My friend with whom I share this cubicle with is going bonkers. She laughs to herself at odd moments and lets me read her corny text messages then laughs again.. hehehe maybe the network element simulator has finally messed up her mind. (i hope she doesn't get to read this >=) )


Tonight I shall hunt the stores to replenish my stock of cuervo and smirnoff =), then tomorrow i'll get a room at a hotel near the mountains and invite my college friends to come over. We'll have a drinking binge, and a night filled with stories and laughter.. hopefully.


Lately I've been busy putting together my palm softwares and other related stuff. I'm planning to put up a site for palm users, and hopefully a palm users group in the office (both cebu and manila branch =) ). This will help me gather resources to upgrade/update my PDA. Yup, in just about a little more than a month, I've become addicted to that thingie =). I've uploaded a lot of games, a ton of apps and a bunch of poems there. Right now I'm reading a book: "The Goblet of Fire", a soft copy of Harry Potter book 4 which I converted to palm markup language in order to be uploaded to my pda. =)

Sometimes little things like these makes me smile.. a weekend get-away, binge drinking, a techno gadget, a crazy friend.. they take my mind off things.. for a while.

And yes I'm glad that they make me shallow and happy. Life shouldn't be taken too seriously. At least not always. =)

I've been away for a while collecting experiences like beach-stones, a weekend at Dalaguet, walking on the beach with friends, sleeping on a bamboo bed with the nipa ceiling almost falling to pieces and the stairs wobbly with every step, my cell phone useless with no network coverage, the waves on the background rushing to meet the shore, and my foot stuck on the sand as I watched the horizon slowly light up with the sun's rays. This is the entry I was supposed to write two weeks ago, back when my mind was not cluttered with exams I have to review for and programs I need to do.

Last night, the moon was so bright that it shone right through me. There was so much life and so many colors that I couldn't see. Sometimes I wish I could just lie down on the roof and watch the sky expand and be filled with stars, my troubles and worries all cast aside. I miss the old house with the terrace, I miss standing there and looking out for falling stars, tying my shirt in a knot and wishing, with all the might my naive heart could muster, that the moment would not pass me by. But time can play tricks the way a jester on a circus might.. and here I am left with the memories of all the moments that has passed me by. I hold them tightly, but like sand they slip through my fingers, and all I can do is watch and smile that somehow I had a chance to hold them close to me.

I am broken. And my words stop in mid sentence. My fingers half pressing and half releasing a key, unsure of what to say, what to write, what to think. There is a space between me and my thoughts, my feelings, my words. I have to extend my hand to grasp them fully.. but when I do reach out, I find them no longer there, playing a trick on me, making me pause, making me wonder.. how I could be this lost.

Tonight is cook out at UP. My friends and I are debating on whether to go or not.. The event would be fun I'm sure, It's just that there are some people that my friends don't want to see there.. so I guess we'll just take a rain check. Another dinner at Don Henrico's tonight with some college friends, I feel like I'm beginning to hate that place. Too noisy. Too crowded. Slow service. Nothing compared to their branch at Baguio, but then of course, nothing beats the original as always.

Boredom creeps through my veins like a sedative inducing me to sleep. I wish I could get out of here soon, I've finished about 80% of my task, not considering the change from application to web based applets.. which I haven't even started yet... I've been slaving over my computer for the past two weeks now, I think I should reward myself this weekend..

Tomorrow, it's off to gadgets world for me, I'm going to buy a PDA, something to add to my toy collection =) Hmmm.. Now where is that Palm Data Sheet I was reading...

It was, I think, after my second large french fries at mcdonalds when maian came holding out this ticket. A musical concert, hmmm. this would be a nice break from the monotony of office life, I said to myself, and so I gave in =).

The Sports Club was a pleasant sight. The bar on the second floor, just outside the sinulog ballroom looked very inviting, but then I remembered that we were there for the show and not the drinks. The concert was filled with older people and foreigners which made me wonder if my generation never really appreciate these kinds of events. Maian reminded me however that this was some sort of by-invitation-only-concert. So desu ka.

Napoleon Abueva, the national artist for sculpture was there with his family. It was a pleasant experience to watch world renowned Filipino artists perform right before their countrymen for free. (Well, at least for me it was free, I don't know if the Arts Council of Cebu paid them..)

Going home, hums of unfamiliar melodies filled my ears. I'm glad I went there instead of going back to the office and working on my pc. The hundreds of mp3's on my hard disk is nothing compared to what I would have missed.

Someone sent me a text message a few nights ago, asking me if I missed school and the people and stuff associated with it.. It took me a while to answer but I knew all the time that I would have said yes.

Who wouldn't miss the part where you can choose which classes to take and what time you get in? True, there are dorks in every campus and idiots lurking everywhere, not to mention the "others", well.. but then I love school, and most of the people and stuff associated with it. I love the cook outs, intramurals, lantern parades, college days, and I must admit, enrolment day is pretty exciting, especially when you are an irregular student and you can't find a teacher who would let you in their class. Now that's fun! (that was said in a quasi-sarcastic way, in case you're pouting).

College was just like a game, you win some, you lose some. Professors keep saying that this is your preparation for life to infinity and beyond blah blah b.s. And activists keep saying "Do not confine your learning to the four walls of the classroom" therefore let's cut class and attend the rally (I'm not anti rallies by the way, I actually figured in some non violent marches). And there I was, in the middle of figuring out what major to take and which topping was best for my pizza, trapped between volumes of books and cd's to check out...

Now here I am, and this is life? No one can ever be prepared for it, if I had known it was like this, then I would have opted to flunk my subjects or take an LOA for one year then fly off to our province and planted camote in the fields. I've always wanted to go to school when I was a kid, I thought it was some fairy tale playground.. It wasn't all that fun though, especially when people put too much value on those numbers given out at the end of the term, too much that even trust is broken and friendship is lost..

I want to go back though.. I want to be in school forever. It was easy there, they give you high grades if you do well, they flunk you if you don't (easy to say!).. you can cut class and watch a movie, and you can talk your way out of any responsibility and they'll excuse you and say you're juvenile. (or mark your Form 5 with three big letters in red ink "PDQ")

But now, who gives the grades? Who says which is commendable and which is not? You have to kiss their a's in this world in order to be noticed... Am I officially a grown up now? I have to wake up early, go to work, earn my keep, bow my head to the "superiors", do the task assigned then it starts all over again.. just like a nightmare that never ends.. Is this what I was prepared for?

Yes I miss school, and mostly everything that has come to pass.. but then each man much travel his own way and leave the places he has passed, take the learning in his heart and walk on...

All Life is a school, and so I walk on...

It is the exhilarating ride to the office that brightens me up on early mornings. I have just recently re-discovered the joy of riding a jeepney to work (see taxi article). Well, it's not really that I've given up on the taxi drivers that I've come across with, It's just that I miss the feel of the wind against my face on cold mornings. It makes me feel like there is something good to look forward to for the rest of the day..

but of course that is just a hope. The office is the wildest of all circuses, a lion would look tame in there, what with the two faced people the split tongued SV's blah blah etc. etc. A snake would be kinder you know, at least you know they are snakes and that they are potentially dangerous, but what of people wearing masks? Ah, I rest my case, there is politics everywhere. And it really doesn't matter until you become muddled in the middle of it.. Got to keep a look out, you'll never know who the real people are, Sounds a lot like anti trust.

Oh well, at least I can look forward to mornings, and to that ride, with the wind blowing away my worries, whispering to my ears that there better things to come... maybe not yet now.. but later..

"Soft wind,
whisper gently to my ears
Soothe my aching heart
Ease my confused mind
Calm my troubled soul
I want to rest..."

Today is my mom's birthday. We will have dinner tonight together with some close friends and my two brothers. It's been a while since we've had dinner together. Work has been taking longer hours from my days that I rarely go home early, much more eat dinner. This night would be a welcome change from the dull routine of overtime work or overstaying at the office to catch up on some readings about new technologies.

The typhoon that has been hovering around the city for days has finally left town.. I hope tonight will be a night full of stars.. that would be the best gift for my mom,

Tiredness crawls through my body like there was nothing else in this world but pain. I should sleep early tonight, I tell myself. I got home at 3 a.m. this morning and part of me just wonders why I do..

Last night there were no stars. only a cloudy haze of darkness wanting to choke me. I am like shattered glass, broken in many places, I doubt if I will ever be whole once more. I'm tired. and it creeps through my system like some virus wanting to take control and invade my being.

Sometimes i wonder what went wrong.. where did the laughter go.. days pass like an infinite stream of thoughts unsaid, and emotions locked up like acid in a bottle. I look at the mirror and all i see is a pair of lusterless windows to my soul. There is something more to life than climbing pillars.. but what is it? and why does it seem so hard to stop myself from struggling when it's so much easier to let go?

I will go out this afternoon, I will take a half day off from work and just lie down at home. my stomach cramps are getting worse..

Rainy days are here again.. I cannot see anything from the 11th floor of this building, the fog has wiped out the streets below, and the tall buildings nearby are barely visible.. reminds me of a surreal story by Stephen King, where some prehistoric dinosaurs invaded a city while covered by a huge gray fog.. creepy!!

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, it was pouring, and it was much comfortable to just lie down and hide behind the covers.. but then I had to go to work, so I dragged myself out of bed, dreaming of a steaming arroz caldo waiting for me. But of course there was no arroz caldo when I arrived at the office, only smug faced people, who were probably wishing that they too didn't get out of bed..

I'm wearing a sweater, and on top of it, a jacket, hoping to keep myself warm. It's so cold here that even the hot water that I got from the dispenser only 5 minutes ago is now frosting.. I keep noticing things.. little things that I never seemed to notice before..

Yesterday I was reading Old Ghosts by A.J. McKenna, a story of a man on his 76th birthday remembering his first love. I liked the last line:

"The clock in the parlour ticks and tocks and finally stops. Forever."

The story was a failed love, but then, isn't it always the sad things that people most usually write about? I hope I will find my words soon, then I can be the sculptor of stories, both imagined and experienced, of sad songs and sad poems, and everything in between. Today, my emotions are as cold as the weather, neither rejoicing nor suffering, I am floating like that leaf, drowning like the rain, forever being blown by the wind.. gently, gently.. against the softness of the clouds.

There is nothing more for me to write, I tell myself. I have sunk back to my melancholy mood, and the world passes by like a haze of confusion through my eyes. And yet I should be happy, if only my happiness excludes that of the others, if only I were not easily affected by certain people's moods and actions, if only i would care less about other people's welfare.. then maybe I would be happy. I remember the answer a friend once told me when I asked her if she was happy.. "Just contented" was the reply. A very wise answer indeed. Perhaps shoegazer was right when he quoted Kahlil Gibran's prophet "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked,... if we are full of joy, it is because we have been hollowed out by sadness like a vessel waiting to be filled"

No, I am not hurting. I am devoid of emotions, and in this emptiness I open my eyes to the reality of the meanings I once accepted with closed eyes. Sometimes I don't know if I say too much and mean less or if my words are nothing but mirrors of my confused mind. I am like a dada painter, brushing a few strokes here and there, and passing off my work as a masterpiece.

I mask my words, for if I were to say too much, then a flood of emotions would rush out and drown me. So I choose my words carefully, until my writings and my self would seem like oil on water.

This is senseless.. I must stop now.

Later tonight, I will go home, walking along the same unlighted streets.. and I will remember.. I will recall words, both spoken and unspoken, and I shall be lost in thought once more..

Wondering why I feel so alone..

And yet I know, there is no other way I would want it to be than this.

I am about to survive the weekend with not even a measly peso in my pocket. Things has gone from bad to worse since Friday night at Dish Cafe. And it's not even about the money, or rather the lack of it. Money is the most superficial problem in the world. It is people, people with their love for gossip and twisted stories of others' lives that will bring this world to shambles.

These cursed people are yet to be the cause of my ruin. Why can't the world just mind itself while I live on with my life. I guess this place really hates me, and no matter what I do, things will always go wrong. I belong nowhere and to nobody.. I am the wind, I am the rock being crushed by the waves of the sea. I am a nobody, a wanderer hitchhiking on some deserted road, finding the path to wherever my home is. There is no road sign, no stop light, no lighthouse to guide me. I am lost, as lost as anyone can ever be. And it is my fault, my mistake, the blasted ignorance of my reasoning, I have buried myself in a pit once again, and maybe, just maybe, this time there will be no turning back, there will be no saving grace, maybe there will be no tomorrow for me...

Delusions fill my mind, and I cannot say if it is from too much sleep or work or love or hate or the lack of all of these. I am drunk with feelings that are about to burst from my chest, and my head is pounding with anger. I am tired, and cannot fight the tides anymore. I will have to let go now.. It is in drowning that one is born again.. Maybe the next life for me would be easier, with no more pain nor sorrow nor bitter choices.

I shall follow that light from the distance.. I shall be free at last..

"Goodbye proud world, I'm going home..."

It's the last day of the month and I'm dead broke. The rent is due, my debts are piling up, there are bills to pay, my mobile phone is almost out of prepaid card, and I've got 10 pesos in my pocket, just enough for a ride home and for a ride back to the office tomorrow... hmm, there's still an extra two pesos to buy myself some chewing gum. I'm suddenly reminded of that gum commercial where every worry ends with the phrase "at times like this you need... juicy fruit gum". Oh, if only life were that simple, if only solutions to problems can be bought like candy from a store..

I just read Richard Bach's "Running from Safety" again. What would it be like if myself from the future would visit me and tell me all the things she has learned about life, the paths to choose and things to let go.. or what if I were to go back to the past and meet the child that was me. What would I tell her, and what would she ask me..

Maybe Bach is right, it will always be that same face that we see in front of the mirror who can answer all these questions and solve all these problems.. but still, it doesn't hurt to have a little help from some other people or entities... Hmmm.. maybe I should send an S.O.S. signal now.... Aaaarrrrrrgghhhh , I need help quick.

"We wait all these years to find someone who understands us, I thought, someone who accepts us as we are, someone with a wizard's power to melt stone to sunlight, who can bring us happiness in spite of trials, who can face our dragons in the night, who can transform us into the soul we choose to be. Just yesterday I found that magical Someone is the face we see in the mirror: It's us and our homemade masks.

All these years and at last we meet.

Imagine that."

- Richard Bach (Running from Safety) -


title: running from safety
author: richard bach

Destruction is a member of The Endless™, a bunch of half crazed email maniacs that's bound to create havoc on any unsuspecting email server. She was called Destruction because Death was taken, but secretly she wants to be called Destiny or Despair (why the obsession with ' D ' ? ask Spinal ).
Don't be fooled, the one on the picture is not Destruction, the girl on the ledge is actually a hitchhiker who ran away from home. D is the one sitting on the side of the volcano crater, eating a taco and sipping a mug of root beer float while reading Hemmingway's "A Farewell To Arms". If you can't see her, click the picture to enlarge it, and follow the arrow.

The brain behind this website have always wanted to become a writer, so kindly excuse her amateur works posted here. In real life, she is a mathematician who is currently busy creating a program that would solve all the polynomial space complete equations in the universe. Once in a blue moon, She contributes poems and essays to sites like Bones From The Graveyard™, and Life In Ink™.

When not trapped inside a 10 sq. ft. cubicle debugging code or making bug fixes, she is out on the rooftop, gazing at the moon and counting the stars. Her hobbies, aside from sleeping, include driving people crazy, collecting dust under her bed, reading shoegazer's diary, and re-answering the personality tests at emode (hoping to get a better score. Duh!).

If you have any questions, about anything and everything at all, ranging from how to drink 12 shots of tequila in 5 minutes to the time complexity of the search heuristic in her thesis, just send her an email.

Today passed by uneventful... the document changes were only few thus less time was needed for modifying the program. It is days like this when I wish I was somewhere else, counting the waves of the sea, picking up pebbles from the beach, or just simply lying down on the warm sand and watching the birds perch their nests on a nearby tree..

Maybe someday, when I have all the time and money that I need, I would do all those things. I would visit places, meet people and collect experiences like candies from a jar. But today will just be today.. trapped inside a cubicle with nothing but my monitor in front of me.

Tonight I shall dream, and maybe tomorrow, everything will somehow fall into place.

Saturday was one of those days when troubles seem as meaningless as the dust that accumulates on my desk. Martha just arrived from Singapore, and as part of her welcome party, we had dinner at the Vudu Lounge with Yan, Gay and Shing. Finding the place was easier than I've expected. it was rightly placed at the Crossroads Mall in Banilad, away from the usual hang outs and party scenes. On the way there, we passed by High Life, and I vowed to visit that place next time.

The dinner was nice, but the people I was with, was even better. we had demitasse at Treviso Panini at the Village, while I was counting the stars over bailey's on the rocks. We stayed for quite some time, talking about things and stuff, then we decided to head off at Waterfront since it was way too early to go home.

The tequila at the Abbey was blech! It reminded me that I'm not used to hard drinks anymore. maybe I should stick to iced tea. =)

The night ended, the way all nights do, but not without the tinge of nostalgia. Martha was incessantly talking about the wonders of Singapore airport compared to NAIA. Manila buses still boast of its deadly fumes and well our country is still slow in terms of progress, some things do never change,,, i just hope that our friendship would be one of them..

My sweet tooth got the better of me, i decided to try out this place called the Dessert Factory. unfortunately for me, I was not able to try out their delectable sweet concoctions =(. The main dish that my friend and I ordered was too filling. I was shocked at the humongous servings. We had to skip dessert, because our bulging tummies were screaming for mercy.

I find life to be very similar to that. Sometimes I plan for something but then things happen, and I end up doing something entirely different from what i had planned..

It was after I finished the root beer float I guess, when talks of a dream of flowers and questions slowly slipped into the conversation. The silence that inevitably followed shook me and made me remember the reality of now and the bleakness of tomorrow.

Oh well, maybe these are just side effects of missing the creme brule =)

Yeah Saturday!!! At last i can sleep till noon, eat my favorite fried chicken meal at the local joint, and read the two new books i got by Ernest Hemmingway and Nicholas Sparks.. =), then later at night I'd be out partying, now, that's life..

bleep bleep.. a text message, now who could possibly be awake at this unholy hour of 2pm?

aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I'm needed at the office, some bugs to fix and files to check in, i can almost see Ria's smirking face saying "if life is a journey, then please check in files before embarking.." grrr, now I'll just have to put off those two books I've been dying to read since December. I just hope I'll finish the bug fixes by 6p.m., I still have a party to attend.

Next time I'll turn my cell phone off, or better yet, I'll just throw it off Mactan bridge. that way i can't be reached hehehe =)

Uhm, come to think of it, that would only make my best friend happy, naahh, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction, especially since she's attracted to falling bodies from bridges.

I miss college.


title: a walk to remember
author: nicholas sparks

One of my new year's resolutions (yeah right! as if I believe in those things) is to come in early at work. I've already had two suspensions because of excessive tardiness. and so i came up with alternatives to solve this problem

1. I will wake up real early. (well, this doesn't work at all!! i do wake up early but i can't get myself off the bed, so it's useless)

2. I will take a bath, put on clothes, and run out of the house in Olympic breaking time. (this one's a real good idea, but then when one lives in a boarding house like i do, one has to wait in a mile long line just to use the bathroom, so i scrapped this one out too.)

3. Take a taxi cab everyday to work (now, this one would really put a big dent on my wallet, but hey better than a 9-day suspension)


So that's it, i took option number three, but i didn't know that it would be a trip to an insane asylum.

Let me tell you about the cab drivers I've met so far. one of them had a nokia 8850, and he can't seem to get his hand off his cell phone. he was missing green lights and other cars were honking at us because he was busy sending SMS. I wanted to swank his head with my bag and run off with his cell phone! grrrr...

Then just yesterday, this driver was eating peanut butter with a spoon which he left on his mouth while driving, gee whiz, what was he doing anyway? imitating brad pitt from meet joe black? I think the only resemblance was the spoon. =), and to top it all, he forgot to switch the meter, that should have been a free ride but i was feeling mighty fine yesterday so i gave him forty bucks, at least he can buy a new bottle of peanut butter when his supply runs out, or a new spoon, or a new face, whichever is cheaper.

Gee, I'm really bad, looking into other people's lives and criticizing them. but hey, what can I do, I'm just an observer. there was this one who haven't even taken a bath i think, the whole cab smelled really bad, I almost fainted. the other one just kept on berating the government and telling me how he hated macapagal-arroyo and all the others, he wanted to squeeze an opinion from me but I just sat there and said "uh huh yeah sure, whatever". another one was i think a frustrated race car driver. I kept bumping on the windshield even though I had my seatbelts on, the scenery was a blur of colors, and I almost puked on the sidewalk when I stepped off the cab. it was then that i told myself that I'll make it a point to ride on the back seat, and if ever I sit on front, I'll put on my seatbelt real tight..

I could go on and on about this one who even stopped at the nearby gas station, but not to refill his tank but instead to convince the lady gas attendant to go out with him that night, he was like begging and serenading her while i was fuming mad at the back seat because i was running late. grrr! he couldn't have picked a better time.

Now, I don't hail cabs anymore, I scrutinize them from afar and just let them pass by if I see a weirdo on the driver's seat or when the back doors are almost about to fall off.

It is sometimes frustrating to ride with those semi crazed lunatics but hey, they help me get to where I'm going on time, and i help them earn a living, so life is fair(?) =),

No more ramblings for today., till next time =)

morning dewdrops
sweet faithful sunshine
lilacs all in bloom
across the meadows
the grass is green
underneath the sky so blue
birds are singing
such a lovely tune
the wind's whispering your name
a happy thought
crosses my mind
as i suppress a tear
i know you're happy
wherever you are
though you're not here with me
still at times, i wish
when i am all alone
that somehow you'll think of me
by the light of the moon

i felt the sunset in my dreams
as i walked down a lonely path,
until i reached the end of the cliff,
so then i stopped..
i was afraid, afraid of the light, afraid to fall..
afraid of the sunset in my dreams

i saw the sunset in her eyes
that day when i said goodbye
i saw her tears as they touched the ground,
and then i sighed..
i was afraid, afraid of the light, afraid of her tears..
afraid of the sunset in her eyes

i heard the sunset in his words
when he said he'd let me go
i wanted to touch him and comfort him
but then i walked away..
i was afraid, afraid of the light, afraid of his voice..
afraid of the sunset in his words

“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.”
- Richard Bach "The Bridge Across Forever"

night has long eluded my dreams,
and every waking hour brings me farther
from where i should be..
as clouds of confusion settle,
i struggle to break free
i look for an escape, but i find none...
only solitude,
and the deafening silence.
still, every sunset brings me hope
believing somehow,
that light begins,
after this darkness